Here’s how to make sure there’s a throw-down, knock-out fight at your next family Thanksgiving. Help your drunk uncle along by sneaking some booze into his main course.

Alcoholic poultry, anyone?

We just learned you can marinate a turkey in tequila, and it’s all thanks to a brave Midwesterner who did it and almost set their apartment on fire. When you’re an innovator, you’re gonna break a few eggs along the way. (And maybe explode a few birds.)

Tequila turkey nearly blows up oven.

Firefighters in Madison, Wisconsin, had to step in after a dangerously boozy bird almost turned a kitchen into a fireworks display. A local resident decided to try a tequila-marinated turkey recipe, but it backfired spectacularly. (And also literally.)

Just eight minutes into roasting, the oven door blew open with such force that they felt their only option was to call 911. Then firefighters showed up, and when they opened the oven, blue flames shot out.

The culprit? Vaporized alcohol.

The bird had soaked up so much tequila that the booze turned into flammable vapor in the oven. And once that vapor mixed with oxygen? Boom. A fireball.

The person cooking the tequila turkey said they’d used the recipe before without issue. So authorities think it may have been caused by poor ventilation in the oven, which allowed the alcohol fumes to build up to explosive levels. It’s also possible they used way more tequila than the recipe called for.

Firefighters ultimately removed the oven from the apartment to prevent any further risk. Despite the dramatic blast, the incident thankfully didn’t spark a larger fire. And as far as we’ve heard, no fowl play was suspected. (Sorry, I’ll see myself out.)

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How to make a tequila-soaked turkey

If you’re a risk-taker with a well-ventilated oven, you can easily find tequila turkey recipes online. But spoiler alert: they probably won’t get you drunk.

Most of the tequila turkey recipes we were able to find call for a very minor amount of booze. (Think tequila basting, or tequila glaze.)

TasteTequila.com modified a recipe from The Food Network… and we’re being generous with the word “modified.” They basically just say to use a lot more booze. The Food Network version calls for just 3 tablespoons, which isn’t going to give you much of a buzz unless you spoon them directly into your mouth.

The booziest real recipe we could find is from the Barefoot Contessa herself – proud drinker Ina Garten – whose Tequila Lime Chicken calls for a full four ounces of the good stuff. (Or technically, not that good… she says to use Cuervo Gold. 🤮)

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup gold tequila (*or more if you’re willing to risk a structure fire)
• 1 cup freshly squeezed lime juice (5 to 6 limes)
• 1/2 cup freshly squeezed orange juice (2 oranges)
• 1 tablespoon chili powder
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh jalapeno pepper (1 pepper seeded)
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh garlic (3 cloves)
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 3 whole (6 split) boneless chicken breasts, skin on

As fun as tequila turkey sounds, I bet there’s an 80% chance it’s gross… because who drinks any type of alcohol because it “tastes good”? No one. If you think you do, your decades of drinking have just obliterated your taste buds. (I’m talking to you, mezcal “fans.”)

So while it’s a fun idea, I think I’ll play it safe and stick to my normal Thanksgiving staples. First and foremost: rum ham.