Here’s Why Toxic Positivity Sucks

In a culture that often equates positivity with strength, it might come as a surprise that too much of it—at the wrong time—can be toxic.

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how bad a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It sounds supportive on the surface, but in practice, it can actually minimize or dismiss real emotions like sadness, frustration, or grief.

Think of it as emotional gaslighting.

You lose your job, and someone says, “Just stay positive!” Sure, they’re trying to help—but in that moment, it can feel more like they’re ignoring your reality than offering support.

Or imagine missing out on a major goal—bombing a big game, for instance—and hearing, “Everything happens for a reason.” That kind of response, though common, assumes there’s some cosmic lesson in failure rather than validating your disappointment.

Then there’s the classic: “Happiness is a choice.” It’s the kind of phrase that, instead of lifting someone up, can make them feel like their struggle is their fault. Rather than supporting someone through their low moment, it unintentionally adds guilt to the mix.

So what’s the alternative? It starts with understanding the difference between toxic positivity and healthy optimism.

Optimism is about having hope and confidence in the future. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, is when we force that hope onto others—even when they’re not ready or able to receive it.

And when people are navigating loss, anxiety, or other intense emotions, what they really need is validation, not a motivational poster.

Just remember, it’s okay to not be okay.

Mental health experts say that embracing difficult emotions is a key part of resilience. Acknowledging someone’s pain—even sitting with them in silence—is often more comforting than trying to spin their pain into a positive.

This is especially important in the workplace, where a culture of relentless positivity can make it harder for employees to speak up about burnout or stress. When people feel they have to put on a smile no matter what, real issues go unaddressed.

So next time someone’s having a rough day, try swapping “Look on the bright side” with something more empathetic like, “That sounds really tough—do you want to talk about it?”

Because real support doesn’t mean cheering people up. It means showing up.