Karaoke Songs So Bad You Wish the Machine Would Break

Let’s face it: karaoke is one of those things that’s only as enjoyable as the song choice and the singer’s commitment (and pitch tolerance). When either falters, it becomes less about fun and more about surviving someone else’s musical midlife crisis.

With that in mind, here’s our definitive list of karaoke tracks so notorious, we almost hope the machine malfunctions before they begin:

1. “Ice Ice Baby” – Vanilla Ice
The moment someone hits that opening line, you can almost hear the collective sigh in the bar. Nostalgia can’t save this one.

2. “My Heart Will Go On” – Celine Dion
Titanic gave us one unforgettable tragedy. Do we really need another?

3. “American Pie” – Don McLean
Eight and a half minutes of vague symbolism and chorus repetition that leaves everyone wanting the music to die.

4. “Tears in Heaven” – Eric Clapton
Excuse me, sir – we’re in a bar. This is supposed to be fun.

5. “Baby Got Back” – Sir Mix-a-Lot
We get it. You like big butts.

6. “Sweet Caroline” – Neil Diamond
Yes, everyone joins in. No, that doesn’t mean you should be the one leading it.

7. “Don’t Stop Believin’” – Journey
We’ve stopped believin’ long ago.

8. Anything by Sarah McLachlan
A beautiful voice—when she’s singing. When it’s you? Hard pass.

9. “Friends in Low Places” – Garth Brooks
Nothing like an off-key country song to clear a room.

10. [Insert Your Own Cringe-Inducing Favorite Here]
Because there’s always that one song someone thinks is their moment. And it never is.

So if you ever walk into a bar and find the karaoke machine out of order, maybe don’t panic. It might be doing us all a favor.