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LGBTQ Representation in Pre-Woke Horror: The Good, the Bad, and the WTF

Disclaimer: From my earliest childhood memories until the moment I sat down to type this, I have never been romantically interested in another man. So while one never knows what tomorrow will bring, at this moment I can confidently say I am, and have always been, a straight white male.

I do consider myself an ally, though, so before we dive into bizarre examples of LGBTQ representation in pre-woke horror, I want to assure all members of the community that my goal is NOT to offend you. And thus, if I should fail, it is with my deepest apologies. And now, on with the show:

Positive portrayals of queer characters in horror movies were a lot harder to come by in the pre-woke era, and often had to be hidden, or “coded” in order to go relatively unnoticed by a public that was deemed not ready for them.

Some famous examples include “Bride of Frankenstein” and “Dracula’s Daughter” in the 1930s, and “A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge” in the ’80s. (The “subtext” in that one couldn’t have been more obvious, but my clueless teenage ass missed it completely when I saw it in the theater.)

But every once in a while in those Before Times, queer characters weren’t hidden or hinted at. And the results varied widely. Here are some famous and infamous examples:

Tammy and the T-Rex (1994)

Theo Forsett plays Byron, best friend of Tammy, played by a young Denise Richards. Tammy’s going through some stuff, because her boyfriend Michael (Paul Walker) has been killed, and his brain stolen by a mad scientist and placed in the head of an animatronic dinosaur.

It happens.

Byron is out, loud and proud. And nobody seems to care. Even Michael, a high school jock, doesn’t flinch when they’re introduced at the beginning of the movie. And even after he becomes a rampaging (fake) dinosaur, Michael shows Theo kindness, sparing him while tearing apart several of his classmates.

Byron’s sexuality is only mocked by two dumb comic-relief cops, and their little jabs fall flat and feel out of place, because Theo is treated so respectfully by the film.

1994 may not be ancient history, but remember, this was three years before Ellen DeGeneres came out… and faced some serious career setbacks for doing so.

Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1981)

This one’s weird. Like, really weird. ’70s teen idol Jimmy McNichol plays Billy, a high school senior being raised by his clingy aunt (the legendary Susan Tyrrell), who very much wants to have sex with him. She’s also prone to committing murder.

Enter Bo Svenson, playing a homophobic cop who’s determined to pin the murders on Billy’s gay basketball coach, Tom Landers, played by Steve Eastin. Tom is portrayed as just a regular guy who happens to be gay, which was really progressive for 1981.

He’s also one of the most sympathetic and heroic characters in the film, and the ending leaves no question about whose side you should be on.

Interesting Note: Four years later, Landers would appear in “A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge,” one of the most thinly disguised gay horror movies of all time.

Killer Condom (1996)

A condom with teeth that bites off male genitalia, presented by the guys who made “The Toxic Avenger”? If this piques your interest, be warned: this is not a typical Troma movie. In fact, they didn’t make it. It’s a German film that they picked up for distribution.

At its heart, it’s a gay love story between a cop and the male prostitute he meets in the seedy underbelly of New York City while investigating the castrating prophylactics. The film is peopled with LGBTQ characters we actually care about and root for… unlike the real villain, who’s unveiled in the final act.

Interesting Fact: H.R. Giger – the Swiss artist who created the xenomorph in “Alien” – served as a creative consultant on this one.

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

The granddaddy of gender-dysphoric killer flicks. Or is it the grandmommy? All these years later, I’m still confused. By now, anybody interested enough to have read this far should know the plot, and its infamous twist ending.

A series of murders at a summer camp are revealed to be the work of Angela, a girl who was secretly a boy all along! At a very young age, Angela’s aunt decided to raise him as a girl, following the deaths of his sister and their father in a boating accident.

Oh, and just to pile on, Angela’s father was gay, and as a young child she/he witnessed Pops in bed with another guy; the implication being that this screwed her/him up even more.

I seriously doubt the filmmakers were trying to make a social or political statement; it’s all just shock value. But still, it sends the message that if your gender doesn’t match your genitals, people die.

Interesting Fact: Kenan Thompson of “Saturday Night Live” fame is producing a remake with the original writer-director. It’ll be interesting to see if they keep the same ending. My guess is no, but mainly because audiences will be expecting it.

Fatal Games (1984)

Students training at an elite athletics academy are being picked off by somebody who chucks a mean javelin.

The killer turns out to be a nurse named Diane, played by Sally Kirkland, who you may remember from “The Sting,” “Best of the Best,” “JFK” and a bunch of other stuff.

But the real reveal is that Diane used to be a man. She had gender reassignment surgery to become a woman so she could be a champion at javelining… which, I discovered while writing this, is an actual word! But Diane was disqualified from competition after tests showed she had too many male hormones.

In the film’s most absurd moment, once the final girl discovers Diane’s secret, she starts speaking in a male voice.

She tells her intended victim, “Don’t you understand? I have sacrificed everything. I have risked everything just to win. I even became a woman just to win!”

Yes, it’s transphobic as shit. But as with “Sleepaway Camp,” I really don’t think any statement was being made here other than, “Yo, dig this crazy twist!”

Still, I’m shocked this flick hasn’t been picked up by the anti-trans movement. I could see Riley Gaines screening it before her (hate) speeches and saying, “See? They’ve been doing it for decades!”

Walking “On Clouds” Can Be So Squeaky

You know that moment when you’re walking through a quiet office or store and your shoes start squeaking like a clown at a children’s party? Yeah, imagine that… but every single time you wear them.

Have you seen those fancy “On” athletic shoes, with the “Cloud” line of styles? They cost around $140 to $180, and promise a “walking-on-clouds” experience. What they deliver is more “walking-on-wet-gym-floor.”

The problem? Those trendy little hollow pods on the bottom apparently double as squeak amplifiers. So instead of floating gracefully through life, you’re announcing every step like a duck in patent leather.

People have been complaining about this online for over a year, and now there’s a full-on class action lawsuit.

Customers say the squeaking is a design defect. The company says, nah, it’s just a “feature.” Or, “normal wear and tear.” Sure, because all my normal wear-and-tear experiences involve sounding like you’re stepping on a toddler’s bath toy.

“On” hasn’t commented on the lawsuit, but they have reportedly denied warranty claims for squeaky shoes. (Because nothing says “premium experience” like being told the $180 noise machine on your feet is “working as intended.”)

Other brands like Brooks Sports say squeaky shoes happen when moisture or air gets trapped under the insoles. Their fix? Take those soles out after every wear so they can “dry properly.”

Perfect… because what I really want from my daily footwear is a side hustle as a part-time cobbler.

So if you’re looking for shoes that scream “athletic elegance” and literally scream at the same time, On Cloud might be your perfect match. Walking on clouds never sounded so… squeaky.

Smart Beds Got Dumb: Internet Outage Left People Sleeping Like Pretzels

File this under “2025 problems”: The internet went down, and it broke people’s… beds? The increasingly connected world we all live in is getting weirder by the day.

Thanks to a major Amazon Web Services (AWS) outage this week, a bunch of tech-savvy households discovered that their “smart homes” don’t function so well without, you know, the internet. And the standout meltdown came from a company called Eight Sleep.

Smart beds are great… until they’re not

Eight Sleep makes high-end bed frames and mattress covers that do all sorts of fancy things like heating, cooling, and adjusting to different positions – you know, like a hospital bed, but luxury.

That is, until the cloud broke. Then each one became a $2,000 paperweight with a mattress on top.

People couldn’t make their bed flat

Because Eight Sleep’s beds rely entirely on cloud computing hosted by AWS, the outage left users completely stuck. If your bed was tilted upright for reading or Netflixing when the servers went kaput, that’s just how you were sleeping that night.

One user posted, “It would be great if my bed wasn’t stuck in an inclined position,” while someone else helpfully quipped, “It’s all fun and games until a hacker folds you into a taco.”

Mattresses also overheated

Some users also reported their mattresses overheating, since the smart temperature system went haywire during the blackout. One guy said his bed was stuck at 9 degrees above room temp and compared it to “sleeping in a sauna.”

Thankfully, the problems were only temporary

The beds eventually came back to life once Amazon sorted things out, and Eight Sleep scrambled to let customers know they were aware it was unacceptable. The company’s CEO promised an “offline mode” was in the works, so if there’s ever another outage (100% chance of that), your bed won’t trap you like it’s auditioning for Saw 12: Sleep Edition.

Or auditioning for a remake of 2013’s “Bad Grandpa”…

The Halloween Candy Your Kids Won’t Miss (and You Totally Can Steal)

Looking for Halloween candy you can “borrow” from your kid’s stash without facing a full-blown tantrum?

Good news: there’s now a ranked list of sweet treats that adults love way more than kids do. Translation? You can swipe these guilt-free.

A poll from a few years ago compared candy preferences between adults and kids aged 8 to 14, and it turns out there are quite a few classics kids wouldn’t even notice if they mysteriously vanished. At the top of the list: Dove Dark Chocolate Bars, which kids apparently see as the broccoli of the candy world. Adults, however, are living for them.

Here are the top 10 candies kids are least likely to care if you swipe:

  1. Dove Dark Chocolate Bars
  2. Andes Chocolate Mints
  3. Almond Joys
  4. Mixed nuts (Okay, not candy, but still fair game.)
  5. Baby Ruth bars
  6. Butterfingers
  7. Restaurant mints (like those wrapped ones by the register)
  8. Heath Bars
  9. York Peppermint Patties
  10. Whatchamacallits

Basically, if it’s chocolatey, nutty, or minty, your kid probably won’t fight you for it. These are your Halloween safe zone.

But beware: not everything is up for grabs. The same poll found the exact candies that kids are way more into than adults. So unless you’re ready to start a candy-fueled uprising, steer clear of these:

  • Sour Punch Twists
  • Pop Rocks
  • AirHeads
  • Nerds
  • Gummy Bears
  • Ring Pops
  • Double Bubble gum
  • Sour Patch Kids
  • Welch’s Fruit Snacks
  • Pixy Stix

Basically, if it fizzes, pops, sours your mouth, or dyes your tongue a shocking color, it’s sacred. Hands off.

So go ahead, dig into those Almond Joys and York Patties with zero shame. Just maybe wait until they go to bed—because even if they don’t like them, they might suddenly decide they need them the moment you’re caught with a wrapper in your hand.

The Best Witch Movies of All Time

If you’re in the mood for a little black magic, cauldrons, and broomstick chaos, this list of the 15 best witch movies ever made has you covered.

It runs the full spellbook, from funny and campy to dark enough that you’ll want to sleep with the lights on. Witch movies never really go out of style, and this lineup proves that point, mixing timeless classics with modern horror favorites.

At the top of the list sits The Wizard of Oz (1939). Between Glinda’s glitter and the Wicked Witch of the West’s green face, it’s basically the blueprint for every witchy trope we still love today. Then there’s The Witches of Eastwick (1987), which gave us Cher, Susan Sarandon, and Michelle Pfeiffer conjuring chaos—and somehow still made devilish Jack Nicholson look like he was having the time of his life.

Of course, Hocus Pocus (1993) is still the Halloween season’s MVP, with the Sanderson sisters proving that campy magic never dies.

And fans of cozy covens will never get tired of Practical Magic (1998), the holy grail of midnight margaritas, while Bell, Book and Candle (1958) delivers vintage witchy glam with Kim Novak at her most bewitching opposite Jimmy Stewart.

Newer witch tales take things to much darker places. The Witch (2015) and Hereditary (2018) remind us that witchcraft isn’t all sparkly wands—it’s goats whispering in your ear and family dinners that go horribly wrong. The Blair Witch Project (1999) turned found footage into a cultural phenomenon, and The Conjuring (2013) brought demonic possession back to the big screen with a vengeance.

Even the fairytale witches made the cut.

Sleeping Beauty (1959) and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) prove Disney’s been warning us about wicked stepmothers and cursed apples for decades. And tucked among these timeless classics is a new addition: Weapons (2025), already getting buzz for its eerie, witchy undertones that feel straight out of a nightmare.

So whether you want a broomstick comedy, a spellbound romance, or a horror flick that’ll make you swear off forests forever, these 15 witch movies cast a spell that never wears off.

(Now if only someone would teach us that “light as a feather” trick for real.)

46% of All Pumpkin-Related Knife Injuries Will Happen This Week

Halloween is already the scariest month of the year – now add the very real possibility of stabbing a knife through your own hand!

Nearly half of all pumpkin-related knife injuries will happen in the coming days. So, if you’re breaking out the carving kit, consider this your official safety PSA.

According to a recent study in The American Journal of Emergency Medicine, the U.S. sees about 2,000 E.R. visits per year related to pumpkin-carving accidents, and they’re pretty much all in the month of October. That number only includes the people who actually go to the hospital – so the total tally of pumpkin-carving injuries is much higher.

84% of pumpkin-related knife injuries happen in October

It makes sense… because who’s carving pumpkins in July? Sure, there are a handful of cooks incorporating pumpkins into meals in other months. (Looking at you, November.) But according to the stats, more than 4 in 5 pumpkin/knife injuries (84%) happen in October.

The majority of those injuries are in the second half of the month… because if you’re carving your pumpkin more than a week out, you’re looking at a pile of orange mush on your porch by the 31st. So yeah, it’s just volume. If you carve a pumpkin this year, chances are you’re doing it this week.

Nearly half (46%) happen in the final week leading up to the big day, with the final three days seeing the most injuries. So if you show up to the E.R. with a hand covered in pumpkin innards and blood this week, you might have company.

Your thumb and index finger are at the highest risk

The study found those two digits are the prime targets. Roughly 60% of carving-related cuts involve one of them – or if you’re a real overachiever, both. Taking a pumpkin-carving knife to the thigh may happen, but it’s rare. 88% of pumpkin-carving cuts are hand injuries.

Kids are the most likely to get hurt

Kids between 10 and 19 make up 32% of pumpkin carving injuries. Another 20% happen to kids under 10. So while it may feel like a safe holiday activity, it can get bloody real quick.

Even grown-ups should probably use those orange safety knives

Adults aren’t immune to those same injuries, which is why many experts suggest ditching real knives altogether. Blades that are too sharp can easily slice through more than just your pumpkin. And knives with a sharp point run the risk of blasting through the whole gourd and straight into your hand on the other side.

Those flimsy orange pumpkin carving tools that come in kids’ kits? They’re designed to be dull enough to not slice through fingers, but strong enough to saw through pumpkin skin. Unless you’re planning some real high-level pumpkin carving, anything more than that is probably overkill.

Young kids should skip the carving altogether

If you’ve got little ones helping out, experts recommend skipping the carving entirely for kids under 10. Let them paint their pumpkins or slap some stickers on instead. Bonus: zero cleanup, and that jack-o-lantern they’re so proud of won’t shrivel up into a pile of goo in two days.

Caramel Apples Might Be Delicious, But They Could Be Deadly

If you’ve been proudly DIYing caramel apples every Halloween, here’s something that might ruin your sweet tradition forever (or at least give you a serious reason to eat them all in one sitting)…

Caramel apples can become deadly if you don’t eat them fast enough. Like, actual deadly.

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin once traced a Listeria outbreak that killed seven people back to – brace yourself – caramel apples. That’s right. Not raw chicken. Not week-old potato salad. Caramel-covered fruit-on-a-stick.

So, what’s the deal? The problem starts when you dip the apple in hot caramel. You might think the heat would zap any bacteria, but nope. Instead, the caramel creates a cozy, sticky blanket that traps bacteria in place and gives it a perfect little incubator to multiply. Toss it in the fridge afterward, and you’ve basically set up a slow-cooker for germs.

Things get even worse if you let them sit for a while. The wooden stick you jam into the apple can give bacteria a little entry point and a place to thrive. It’s like a bacteria Airbnb—fully insulated, great location, long-term rental.

Thankfully, the fix isn’t that complicated. Scientists say if you really wash your apples thoroughly before dipping, and eat them within a few days, you’ll probably be fine. Key word: probably. The danger zone sets in if they hang out in your fridge for weeks. So unless you’re planning to eat them fresh, maybe skip them altogether.

If that sounds too risky for your snack plan, there are a million other ways to mainline sugar this spooky season. Try gummy worms, a mountain of candy corn, or just drink a milkshake like a normal Halloween adult.

Because no one wants their obituary to say “taken out by caramel.” Not when there are still so many other desserts to live for.

Hopefully they eat these apples in a timely fashion

Selena Gomez Defends Hailey Bieber After New Interview Comments

Selena Gomez is officially over the internet drama.

After Hailey Bieber made headlines for saying she’s tired of being pitted against Selena, the singer and Rare Beauty founder stepped in with a simple message: “Just leave the girl alone.”

Hailey recently spoke to a journalist who asked if she was worried about her Rhode beauty line being compared to Selena’s Rare Beauty. Her answer was clear and calm: “It’s always annoying being pitted against other people. I didn’t ask for that. When people want to see you a certain way and they’ve made up a story about you in their minds, it’s not up to you to change that.”

Selena seemed to respond shortly after, without naming names.

She wrote, “Just leave the girl alone. She can say whatever she wants. Doesn’t affect my life whatsoever. It’s just about relevance, not intelligence. Be kind. All brands inspire me. There is room for everyone. And hopefully we can all stop.”

The internet, of course, did not stop because the Selena vs. Hailey “feud” is basically a social media cottage industry. Fans have been dissecting their relationship for years, from Hailey’s marriage to Justin Bieber (Selena’s very public ex) to side-by-side beauty brand comparisons and conspiracy-level TikTok theories about alleged shade.

But both women have made it clear they’re done with the noise.

This isn’t the first time Selena has spoken up about kindness online, and it fits her long-running theme of shutting down unnecessary drama. Meanwhile, Hailey has said repeatedly that she’s not interested in being part of some imaginary rivalry.

So, in the great tradition of women supporting women, and maybe just trying to get through their skincare routines in peace, Selena’s words hit perfectly: “There is room for everyone.”

Maybe it’s time the rest of us take the hint and, well, leave the girl alone.

This Swiftie Dropped $800 to Collect Every Variant of Taylor Swift’s New Album

Some fans collect vinyl records for the sound. Others do it for the aesthetic. And then there’s Aiden Watson, a Swiftie who just spent around $800 collecting every single physical version of Taylor Swift’s latest album, “The Life of a Showgirl.”

Aiden proudly claims to own all 26 variants . . . although Swiftie sleuths online say there are actually 27. The breakdown? 18 CDs, 8vinyl editions, and one cassette. (Yes, a cassette. Taylor’s nostalgia game is strong.)

He says the collection isn’t just fandom: it’s an investment.

“In a weird parasocial way, it’s like you’re helping make history,” Aiden explained. And honestly, that’s kind of the perfect summary of modern Taylor culture: a blend of music, marketing, and mutual obsession.

But it’s not just about bragging rights. Aiden’s built his social media presence around Taylor-related content, and showing off his collection has actually paid off. “Most people think it’s absurd to own this many copies of the same album—and they’re not wrong,” he said. “But I knew I’d make content of me buying the variants, unboxing them, and showing them off. It’s been quite a fruitful investment.”

Here’s the kicker: Aiden doesn’t even play most of them. He uses the vinyls as wall art instead. Which, in fairness, does make sense, Taylor’s album covers are practically designed for that.

How much have you spent on Taylor Swift in your lifetime?

@aidenwatson13

which ones did you guys get?? #taylorswift #TSTheLifeOfAShowgirl #swiftie #vinyl

♬ original sound – aiden watson

Color Us Boring: Most Cars Sold Today Are Grayscale

Have you heard about how birds are more likely to target dark-colored cars with their, well, aerial gifts?

That got us curious about what colors of cars people are selecting in different areas, and to be clear, this is not “for the birds.”

A while back, the website iSeeCars.com put out a report on car sales by color (this was in 2023)… and they found that white is more popular than ever.  28% of cars sold nationwide are white, which is up from 16% in the mid-2000s.

Black is the second-most popular, followed by gray and silver.  If you add up the percentages for those colors, 80% of the cars sold are grayscale… like you are watching a black-and-white movie.

The state with the most car-color diversity is West Virginia, where 28% of the cars are colorful.  The state with the least diversity is California, where only 17% of the cars are colorful.

If you exclude grayscale “colors,” every state’s top color is either blue or red.

Outside of that, 2% of the cars sold across the country are green… and all the remaining colors account for less than 1% of car sales each.  But if you’re curious, here’s the order:

Orange is the eighth-most popular car color, followed by beige… brown… yellow… gold… and purple.

Experts say that white is popular because it’s “one of the easiest colors to maintain, and because it is a common color for fleet and rental vehicles.” 

That leads to white used cars being very common.

But there’s good news for people who are brave enough to buy a bold color:  Less popular colors tend to depreciate less, because they are scarce in the used car marketplace.

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