americans – Topical Fruit

The Funniest Things Americans Got Stuck in Their Butts Last Year

Every year, Defector.com does the brave, butt-clenching work of combing through the federal database of emergency room visits to uncover the most bizarre (and hilarious) objects Americans managed to get lodged inside themselves.

And 2025 did not disappoint.

If you’re wondering how items like a turkey baster, a sandal, and even a doorknob ended up where the sun doesn’t shine, you’re not alone. But yes, all of them made this year’s highlight reel of “unexpected insertions.”

Among the 50 unfortunate—and extremely creative—entries were:

A shampoo bottle, with the classic excuse: “I slipped in the shower.” (Sure, buddy.)
A full-sized baseball, reportedly for “curiosity.”
A pair of pliers used to retrieve a lost sex toy… which also got stuck. (That’s irony you can feel.)
A light bulb (a classic mistake with an extremely risky glow-up).
And a handful of uncooked pasta, because nothing says “al dente” like a trip to the ER.

Men and women both had, let’s say, unique entries. The women’s list included a Tide Pod, a plastic mermaid, and—somehow—two spoons. The men’s side? Oh, just your everyday chess piece, apple core, paperclip, guitar string, and an Allen wrench. One guy even managed to insert a pair of headphones. We assume he was just trying to feel the bass differently.

While it’s easy to laugh (because it’s honestly very funny), we also owe a big round of applause to the medical professionals who remove these things with a straight face and probably a lot of internal screaming.

So, whether you’re spring-cleaning your nightstand or trying to spice up your weekend, maybe keep this list in mind. And remember: If it doesn’t have a flared base… it doesn’t belong there.

More Than Half of Americans Want to End Daylight Saving Time for Good

It’s that time of year again. Or rather, it was. Daylight Saving Time just ended, and if you didn’t even notice, you can thank your phone for doing the heavy lifting.

But while the clocks quietly adjusted themselves, the public’s opinion was anything but silent: Americans are officially over it.

A new poll shows that 54% of Americans want to stop changing the clocks altogether. Only 40% still want to keep it, and enthusiasm for the twice-a-year ritual is at an all-time low. In fact, just a few weeks ago, another poll showed support for the current system was down to a measly 12%.

This isn’t just grumbling over losing an hour of sleep in the spring. The debate over Daylight Saving Time has become one of those rare topics with bipartisan agreement in Congress.

Lawmakers on both sides have supported ditching the switch. A few bills, like the “Sunshine Protection Act,” have been floated to make DST permanent, but so far, nothing’s made it through the gridlock.

One big sticking point? If we get rid of the clock change, do we keep the later “summer” hours or go with the earlier “standard” ones? The latest numbers show 56% of Americans would prefer to stick with Daylight Saving Time year-round, while 42% want Standard Time to become permanent.

And no, letting each state pick its own system isn’t the answer. That’s a recipe for chaos. Imagine road-tripping across four time zones without ever leaving the Midwest.

The federal government has the power to settle this, and with Republicans currently in control, they could technically make it happen. In fact, Republican Senator Rick Scott tried to push it forward last month. His proposal had support from both parties and even a presidential nod from Donald Trump. But Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton threw cold water on the plan, warning that permanent DST would mean darker mornings, which he argues would be especially rough on school kids and early-shift workers.

So for now, we’re still stuck with the clock switch. But if public opinion keeps trending this way, don’t be surprised if the next time you “fall back,” it’s for the last time.

Americans Spend Half of Their Paycheck in the First 48 Hours

If you’ve ever felt like your paycheck vanishes the second it hits your bank account, you’re not alone—and now there’s data to prove it.

According to a new report, the average American burns through nearly 48% of their paycheck within the first 48 hours of getting paid. Even more shocking, a full 35% is gone in the first 12 hours. So yeah, your bank account probably isn’t broken. It’s just trying to survive.

This paycheck vanishing act is especially common among Millennials, who, for the record, are not blowing it all on impulse buys or whatever collectible is trending this week. The bulk of that spending goes toward real-life grown-up things: groceries, bills, rent, credit cards, and other must-pay-now obligations.

In fact, over half of all people surveyed said they immediately use their paycheck to knock out the basics as soon as it lands.

It’s not necessarily reckless spending—it’s just the reality of living paycheck to paycheck in a world where bills show up constantly, but paychecks don’t.

Most workers in the U.S. get paid every two weeks, yet expenses don’t politely wait their turn. Some 32% of people also take care of smaller charges right away, like utilities or subscription fees, which seem to hit harder when they all pile up at once.

That paycheck timing mismatch is a big part of the problem. The study found that 62% of people believe getting paid more frequently—even daily—would significantly improve their financial wellness and lower stress levels. Think of it as the difference between feeding your wallet a steady diet or making it fast for 13 days and then binge on payday.

So next time your checking account looks like it’s been mugged within hours of payday, know this: It’s not just you.

The first 48 are financially brutal for just about everyone.

And no, unfortunately, you can’t call the cops to investigate the disappearance of your direct deposit. But you can maybe set a calendar reminder to not spend 35% of it before breakfast.

Have You Ever Wondered How Many “Miles” You Scroll on Your Phone?

If you’ve ever wondered how much exercise your thumb is getting, the answer is… well, probably more than your legs.

A new study just calculated how far people “travel” each year with all that endless phone scrolling. Yeah, they somehow figured out how far your thumb moved, across your screen, in the process of scrolling. Weird times, amirite?

Here are the results, broken down by state:

Topping the list is Arizona, where people scroll an average of 115.4 miles a year. To put that in perspective, that’s about the distance from Phoenix to Tucson.

In other words, Arizonans are essentially hiking the desert with their thumbs. That also works out to nearly nine hours of screen time per day. Nine. Hours. A day.

The rest of the Top Five states are: Washington (108.2 miles), Kentucky (105 miles), Missouri (102 miles), and New Mexico (96 miles). Rounding out the Top Ten are: Texas, Maryland, Louisiana, South Carolina, and Georgia. Clearly, the South is putting in some serious screen work too.

On the flip side, the study didn’t officially rank the least-scrolling states, but data suggests Kansas, Maine, Nebraska, Minnesota, and Massachusetts are down near the bottom. Congrats to them, I guess… they’ll be the ones still making eye contact in public.

In total, the average American now spends 6 hours and 35 minutes per day on screens, which adds up to a wild 2,403 hours per year. We’re also checking our devices an average of 58 times a day, which is either dedication or a collective cry for help.

For the record, the “scroll miles” were calculated by converting screen time into seconds, factoring in the average 6.3-inch phone screen, and then tallying the virtual distance. So yes, science just proved your thumb is basically an endurance athlete.

Americans Eat 17 Pounds of Fries a Year (And Still Want More)

If your 9-to-5 has you feeling fried, maybe it’s time to lean in and treat yourself to something fried—because apparently, you’ve earned it. Last Friday was National French Fry Day, and it turns out America’s love affair with fries is alive, well, and deeply seasoned.

According to a new report, the average American eats a whopping 17 pounds of fries each year. If you think that sounds suspiciously low, you’re not alone—either you’re a superfan, or you’re unknowingly carrying the weight for someone out there who’s not pulling their fry-eating weight.

Collectively, the U.S. downs at least 5.6 billion pounds of fries annually. That’s reportedly enough to fill over 155,000 school buses, although who decided that’s the go-to unit of measurement remains a mystery.

Virginia tops the list as the most fry-obsessed state, with the average Virginian putting away more than 21 pounds a year. Alabama, Georgia, and Maryland also ranked high, making the South a real stronghold for spuds.

When it comes to style, most of the country (28 states) prefers the classic straight-cut and seasoned variety. But there’s regional drama in the fry world:

Shoestring fries are the top pick in Hawaii, New Hampshire, Michigan, Maine, and Texas.
Curly fries rule in Alaska, Kansas, Connecticut, and Oklahoma.
Crinkle-cut is the go-to in Nebraska, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, and Illinois.
Waffle fries? They only have one loyal state: Colorado. (We see you, Chick-fil-A fans.)

And if you think fries are just a side dish, think again. A solid 63% of Americans say fries can totally stand on their own as a main meal. (Honestly, who among us hasn’t just eaten a tray of fries and called it dinner?)

Salt is still the reigning seasoning champ, followed by garlic powder, but some fry lovers are getting creative with Parmesan, Old Bay, paprika, and cayenne. Top dips include the classics: ketchup, ranch, and cheese sauce.

The social dynamics of fry-sharing are… complicated. While 77% say they’d share their fries with a group, 65% admit to straight-up stealing fries from someone else’s plate. So next time you’re out with friends, guard your fries accordingly.