Every year, Defector.com does the brave, butt-clenching work of combing through the federal database of emergency room visits to uncover the most bizarre (and hilarious) objects Americans managed to get lodged inside themselves.
And 2025 did not disappoint.
If you’re wondering how items like a turkey baster, a sandal, and even a doorknob ended up where the sun doesn’t shine, you’re not alone. But yes, all of them made this year’s highlight reel of “unexpected insertions.”
Among the 50 unfortunate—and extremely creative—entries were:
- A shampoo bottle, with the classic excuse: “I slipped in the shower.” (Sure, buddy.)
- A full-sized baseball, reportedly for “curiosity.”
- A pair of pliers used to retrieve a lost sex toy… which also got stuck. (That’s irony you can feel.)
- A light bulb (a classic mistake with an extremely risky glow-up).
- And a handful of uncooked pasta, because nothing says “al dente” like a trip to the ER.
Men and women both had, let’s say, unique entries. The women’s list included a Tide Pod, a plastic mermaid, and—somehow—two spoons. The men’s side? Oh, just your everyday chess piece, apple core, paperclip, guitar string, and an Allen wrench. One guy even managed to insert a pair of headphones. We assume he was just trying to feel the bass differently.
While it’s easy to laugh (because it’s honestly very funny), we also owe a big round of applause to the medical professionals who remove these things with a straight face and probably a lot of internal screaming.
So, whether you’re spring-cleaning your nightstand or trying to spice up your weekend, maybe keep this list in mind. And remember: If it doesn’t have a flared base… it doesn’t belong there.