We love comedies because they are comforting, funny, and familiar. But every once in a while, someone explains the actual plot out loud and you realize, wait a second, this is terrifying.
Strip away the jokes, the soundtrack, and the charming actors, and some of our favorite comedy movies start sounding a lot more like psychological thrillers or straight-up horror films.
A recent list rounded up comedies whose basic premises feel unsettling once you stop laughing, and it is hard to unsee it after that:
“Bruce Almighty”: A woman dates a man who suddenly has godlike powers, alters reality on a whim, messes with her body without permission, and triggers natural disasters to deal with his own insecurities.
“Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”: A reclusive factory owner lures children inside, employs unsettling workers, and watches as kids disappear in disturbing accidents until only one survives.
“You’ve Got Mail”: A man secretly catfishes a woman online while actively sabotaging her business in real life, then reveals the truth after she has emotionally bonded with him.
“Mrs. Doubtfire”: A divorced father creates an elaborate disguise to infiltrate his ex-wife’s home, violating boundaries and identities while hiding in plain sight. The prosthetics alone are nightmare fuel.
“Never Been Kissed”: A reporter goes undercover as a high school student, and a teacher develops romantic feelings for her before knowing her true age. The timing makes it deeply uncomfortable.
“Scott Pilgrim vs. the World”: Dating someone requires physically fighting and defeating all of their exes one by one, with real violence and life-or-death stakes treated as casual obstacles.
“The Hangover”: A group of friends wake up with no memory, a missing person, signs of violence, and a trail of criminal behavior they slowly uncover piece by piece.
“Freaky Friday” and “The Hot Chick”: Characters wake up trapped in someone else’s body, losing their identity, autonomy, and control over their own lives overnight.
“Airplane!”: An entire flight crew and most passengers become violently ill from food poisoning mid-flight, leaving an incapacitated plane hurtling through the air.
“Sleepless in Seattle”: A woman becomes obsessed with a stranger she has never met, tracks him across the country, and inserts herself into his life without his knowledge.
Still funny? Absolutely. Slightly horrifying once you spell it out? Also yes.
If Valentine’s Day usually means dodging rom-coms and pretending you’re “busy,” this list is for you. Here are 15 horror movies that still count as love stories, just with more blood, trauma, and extremely questionable relationship choices.
“Bones and All” (2022) A tender road-trip romance where the couple connects emotionally, spiritually, and occasionally through cannibalism.
“Bram Stoker’s Dracula” (1992) The most dramatic vampire love story ever made, featuring tragic passion, flowing hair, and a man who desperately needs a blood alternative.
“Bride of Chucky” (1998) Two killer dolls on a road trip somehow manage better communication than most movie couples.
“Crimson Peak” (2015) A gorgeous gothic romance set in a haunted house that is very clearly trying to warn everyone to leave.
“The Fly” (1986) Love, science, and the slow realization that your boyfriend is becoming a full-on nightmare bug.
“Lisa Frankenstein” (2024) A teen girl reanimates a corpse and decides he’s boyfriend material, which honestly feels on-brand for high school.
“Mandy” (2018) A breakup movie turned revenge nightmare, starring grief, chainsaws, and Nicolas Cage losing his mind in spectacular fashion.
“Misery” (1990) What happens when your biggest fan loves you so much she absolutely refuses to let you go home.
“My Bloody Valentine” (1981), plus the 2009 remake A Valentine’s Day slasher that proves chocolate and murder have always gone hand in hand.
“Possession” (1981) A marriage falling apart so violently it somehow involves subway breakdowns and something truly unholy.
“Spring” (2014) A vacation romance gets complicated when one person turns out to have an extremely intense personal secret.
“The Strangers” (2008) A couple enjoys a quiet night in until random people decide to emotionally destroy them for no clear reason.
“Valentine” (2001) A group of friends learns that being awful in high school can come back later with a knife.
“Nosferatu” (2024) A moody, gothic nightmare about obsession and dread, and why some crushes should absolutely stay unreturned.
“Heart Eyes” (2025) A Valentine’s-themed slasher where couples are literally the target, making staying single feel like a survival strategy.
The phrase “Horror Sequel” can be a bad word. A really bad word. No, worse than that; a slur. The kind of horrific, dehumanizing slur you only hear from the mouth of a Quentin Tarantino character or a popular country singer.
But sometimes it’s a song. A transcendent lilt emanating from the golden throat of the most elegant songbird, directly into your undeserving earholes. Here are 10 of those cases:
“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” (1986)
The only other film in the franchise directed by the original mad genius Tobe Hooper, and it shows. This movie gets several things right that few other “Chainsaw” flicks do, including Leatherface himself.
While so many sequels make him out to be a malicious, hulking, serial-killing monster, Leatherface is actually a frightened, confused child, who really only kills because he’s told to; or because he’s frightened by a sudden intrusion into his (slaughter)house.
“Chainsaw 2” takes Leatherface’s arrested development to the next level, by introducing a sexy DJ to oil up his blade. Add to that the career-making performance of horror hero Bill Mosely as Chop Top, and a hero played by Dennis FREAKIN’ Hopper, and you’ve got GOLD, baby.
“Troll 2” (1990)
I really believe the world would be a better place if everyone watched schlocky Italian exploitation movies from the late ’60s through the mid-’90s. I have no evidence to back that up, and no theories as to why it could be true. I just believe it.
Which is why “Troll 2” should be required viewing in every high school in America. This is a sequel in name only. It’s not remotely related to “Troll” (1986), which starred Sonny Bono and featured a character named Harry Potter and his son Harry Potter Jr.
Bad acting, bad special effects, and a ridiculous plot make “Troll 2” an absolute gem. One of the stars even made a documentary about it called “Best Worst Movie“ . . . and that title is pretty accurate.
“Halloween 3: Season of the Witch” (1983)
After “Halloween 2”, producers John Carpenter and Debra Hill were approached to produce a third installment. They agreed on the condition that they could retire Michael Myers, and thus, “Halloween 3” was born.
An evil toymaker produces Halloween masks that cause the wearers’ heads to rot like months-old pumpkins as snakes and all manner of insects escape from their upper orifices. But only when they watch the “big giveaway” on Halloween night, which is promoted incessantly with one of the most annoying ad campaigns ever. Yes, even more annoying than the Limu Emu. and Doug.
Unlike every “Halloween” movie that followed, “Halloween 3” is original, it’s creepy, and it stars the great Tom Atkins, who you may remember from “Night of the Creeps”, “Escape from New York”, “The Fog”, and “Creepshow”.
What’s the point of this horrible plot to kill millions of children on their favorite night of the year? To return Halloween to its bloody, Celtic origins. As our villain explains, “We don’t decide these things, the planets do.” As motivations go, that’s pretty damn cool.
Alas, the movie tanked, and everybody cried that Michael Myers wasn’t in it, so instead of an unique story every Halloween, we got 40+ years of bland, repetitive sequels. Thanks a lot, America.
“Jaws 2” (1978)
There are very few movies in the history of movies that can hold a candle to the original “Jaws”. And, full disclosure, “Jaws 2” doesn’t either. But it’s a fun ride and a damn good monster movie, not to mention that only other “Jaws” movie that’s worth your time.
Yeah, it’s completely implausible that another giant, killer shark would show up at the same beach where the first one went on a killing spree three years earlier. As one expert tells Chief Brody, “Sharks don’t take things personally.” (A line that became laughable in retrospect, after “Jaws 4” came out less than a decade later.)
But who cares? It’s a blast. It even presages the late ’70s / early ’80s slasher boom, focusing as it does on a group of terrorized teenagers stranded on a makeshift raft fashioned from their wrecked sailboats. The only difference is, the monster is killed by Brody once again, and not a by final girl whose abstinence from marijuana and premarital sex made her morally superior to her peers.
Oh, and did I mention that the shark sinks a flippin’ helicopter???
“Evil Dead 2” (1987) and “Army of Darkness” (1992)
One of the most brilliant and subversive things about the original “Evil Dead” trilogy is that each installment represents an almost entirely different film genre . . . and fans have followed the saga of Bruce Campell’s incompetent demon fighter Ash just as avidly through each one.
“The Evil Dead”, released in 1981, is balls-out, unrelenting horror that just barely hints at the comedic turn the next two movies would take. “Evil Dead 2” threw in screwball comedy, but kept things bloody. It ended up as one of the keystone films in the “splatstick” trend of the ’80s that also included “Re-Animator”, “Return of the Living Dead”, and “The Toxic Avenger”.
“Army of Darkness” kept things R-rated by throwing in some F-bombs and a flash of boob, but other than that, it’s a swashbuckling medieval comedy-adventure with very little blood and a lotta yuks. Unlike its predecessors, this was an actual studio film, and they even got Danny Elfman to record a song for it.
“Evil Dead” also unique in that, as Mr. Campbell often points out, it’s possibly the only horror franchise where you root for the HERO, not the villain. Hail to the king, baby.
“Psycho 2” (1983)
A sequel to one of Alfred Hitchcock’s most celebrated films? Twenty-three years later? Without Hitchcock? This shouldn’t have worked, and yet somehow it delivered in a big way.
Anthony Perkins returning as Norman Bates is a huge reason why. Norman has finally been released from the nuthouse, and he’s trying to turn his life around. But suddenly, “Mother” starts sticking her nose in his business again.
Also not willing to let go is Lila Crane, played once again by Vera Miles, who’s determined to see Norman back in custody.
This one’s got a fantastic twist ending that’s worthy ol’ of Hitch himself.
“Dawn of the Dead” (1978)
Look up 10 different lists of the best zombie movies. Chances are, “Dawn of the Dead” will be on all of them . . . and #1 on most of them.
George A. Romero invented the modern movie zombie with 1968’s “Night of the Living Dead”, and lost absolutely no steam with this sequel a decade later. Everybody calls it a critique of American capitalism, and it is. But it’s okay if you just enjoy it as mindless, splatterific fun.
This is also the film that put FX master Tom Savini on the map as the go-to guy for gore well into the ’80s (because fuck CGI).
Tragic Epilogue: The Monroeville Mall outside Pittsburgh, where the movie was filmed, is still there. But not for long. Walmart bought it, and they’re demolishing it to build a “retail and commercial destination.” So if you wanna visit this piece of film history, which also houses the Living Dead Museum and bronze bust of Romero, make your plans ASAP.
“Exorcist 3: Legion” (1990)
Author William Peter Blatty and director William Friedkin had nothing to do with 1977’s “Exorcist 2: The Heretic”, and it was a shitshow. But Blatty himself directed “Exorcist 3” from a screenplay he wrote, based on his own novel. And it kinda slaps.
No Linda Blair or Ellen Burstyn this time around, but Jason Miller returns as Father Karras. If you’re wondering how that’s possible, you’ll just have to give it a watch.
Lieutenant Kinderman is also back, only this time played by George C. Scott, taking over for the late Lee J. Cobb. This time he’s trying to solve a series of murders that seem like they’re being committed by residents of an old folks home, and he meets an old friend along the way. Even a tacked-on exorcism that the studio forced Blatty to film doesn’t take too much away from the story.
You can disagree with me on the merits of this film, but one thing that can’t be denied: It has one of the best jump scares ever filmed.
“28 Years Later” (2025)
“28 Days Later” is a masterpiece. “28 Weeks Later” is okay. But “28 Years Later” is a return to something special. And it’s just the first part of a new trilogy.
There’s a message in here about British isolationism and societal regression, but what came to the forefront for me was the story of a son’s dedication to his mother, and a crazy guy, who turns out to be not so crazy, who helps them accept the inevitable.
Oh, and zombie dick. Massive, swinging zombie dick.
“Bride of Frankenstein” (1935)
Largely considered the first horror sequel, “Bride” is also one of the best. And if you ask me, it’s better than the original.
It’s a little scary, a little campy, a lot of fun, and yes, a little gay, thanks to Ernest Thesiger’s “coded” portrayal of Dr. Pretorius.
This, not the original, is also where you’ll find the classic scene of the Monster befriending the blind hermit . . . a scene that’s probably more famous in parody form in Mel Brooks’ “Young Frankenstein“.
Interestingly enough, the Bride herself, who’s not only the title character but also one of the most indelible movie monsters 90 years later, only appears for a few minutes. Just long enough to reject her intended mate, leading to the film’s explosive conclusion.
What are the chances you celebrate Halloween by… seeing a real demon, not just the ones who show up at your front door, begging for peanut butter cups?
According to a new poll, 60% of Americans say they’ve had at least one paranormal experience.
That’s a lot of haunted basements. But don’t worry… only 7% claim to have seen a demon, so we’re still doing better than most horror movies.
Here’s what people say they’ve experienced:
35% have felt a presence or strange energy.
32% have smelled something weird with no explanation (so, either a ghost or a teenager’s gym bag).
31% have heard unexplained sounds or music.
26% have heard a disembodied voice or felt an unexpected chill.
16% have actually seen a ghost.
Interestingly, men are more likely than women to believe their paranormal encounters have scientific explanations, even if they can’t say what those are. (“It’s not a ghost, babe, it’s just… uh… atmospheric pressure or something.”)
In general, about 40% of Americans believe in ghosts, demons, and psychics, but only 6% believe in vampires and werewolves.
So we’ll talk to the dead, but we draw the line at “Twilight”.
Among the ghost-seers, 31% say their ghosts were good, 8% say evil, and 24% say neutral. So apparently, even in the afterlife, most spirits are just minding their own business.
Oh, and 7% of people say they can communicate with the dead… nbd.
Which probably explains why group chats get so weird around 3 a.m.
So yeah, next time you hear a bump in the night, it’s either your cat, a draft, or the 60% of Americans who apparently live in a haunted house.
If a zombie apocalypse ever hits, New Jersey might want to start packing for Alaska…
Because according to a new “scientific” study, Jersey would be the worst place in America to try to survive an undead uprising.
Some so-called “experts” ranked every state’s zombie preparedness using six factors, including population density, hospitals, airports, water access, and how many hunting stores and military bases they’ve got.
The result? A readiness score out of 10 that says a lot about who’s going to make it past Episode One.
New Jersey came in dead last with a score of 1.66. Turns out, cramming 1,308 people into every square mile isn’t ideal when you’re trying to avoid a contagious bite.
The state also barely registers when it comes to survival infrastructure, with fewer than one hospital, one airport, and two hunting stores per 100,000 people. Translation: you’re not escaping, you’re not fighting back, and you’re definitely not getting a hospital bed.
Connecticut was runner-up for “fastest to fall” at 2.15, while Massachusetts and Pennsylvania tied for third-worst (2.57). Rounding out the doomed top five were California and New York, both packed with people but light on resources. (Though, as one report kindly noted, New York does have a “decent amount of water”… so if zombies can’t swim, Staten Island’s got a shot.)
On the opposite end of the apocalypse, Alaska absolutely crushed it.
The Last Frontier scored 7.89 out of 10, thanks to its massive open spaces (only one person per square mile) and more airports than moose (78.5 per 100,000 people). It also leads in freshwater access and military presence, making it the ultimate safe zone if you can handle the cold and occasional bear.
Maine took second place (5.31), mostly because it’s basically one giant Cabela’s, with nearly 70 hunting and fishing stores per 100,000 people. Rounding out the top survivors were South Dakota, Montana, and North Dakota… a.k.a. the “less-populated, more-armed” part of America.
Does your area have what it takes to “hold the line” during a zombie apocalypse? Yeah, mine neither.
Disclaimer: From my earliest childhood memories until the moment I sat down to type this, I have never been romantically interested in another man. So while one never knows what tomorrow will bring, at this moment I can confidently say I am, and have always been, a straight white male.
I do consider myself an ally, though, so before we dive into bizarre examples of LGBTQ representation in pre-woke horror, I want to assure all members of the community that my goal is NOT to offend you. And thus, if I should fail, it is with my deepest apologies. And now, on with the show:
Positive portrayals of queer characters in horror movies were a lot harder to come by in the pre-woke era, and often had to be hidden, or “coded” in order to go relatively unnoticed by a public that was deemed not ready for them.
Some famous examples include “Bride of Frankenstein” and “Dracula’s Daughter” in the 1930s, and “A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge” in the ’80s. (The “subtext” in that one couldn’t have been more obvious, but my clueless teenage ass missed it completely when I saw it in the theater.)
But every once in a while in those Before Times, queer characters weren’t hidden or hinted at. And the results varied widely. Here are some famous and infamous examples:
Tammy and the T-Rex (1994)
Theo Forsett plays Byron, best friend of Tammy, played by a young Denise Richards. Tammy’s going through some stuff, because her boyfriend Michael (Paul Walker) has been killed, and his brain stolen by a mad scientist and placed in the head of an animatronic dinosaur.
It happens.
Byron is out, loud and proud. And nobody seems to care. Even Michael, a high school jock, doesn’t flinch when they’re introduced at the beginning of the movie. And even after he becomes a rampaging (fake) dinosaur, Michael shows Theo kindness, sparing him while tearing apart several of his classmates.
Byron’s sexuality is only mocked by two dumb comic-relief cops, and their little jabs fall flat and feel out of place, because Theo is treated so respectfully by the film.
1994 may not be ancient history, but remember, this was three years before Ellen DeGeneres came out… and faced some serious career setbacks for doing so.
Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1981)
This one’s weird. Like, really weird. ’70s teen idol Jimmy McNichol plays Billy, a high school senior being raised by his clingy aunt (the legendary Susan Tyrrell), who very much wants to have sex with him. She’s also prone to committing murder.
Enter Bo Svenson, playing a homophobic cop who’s determined to pin the murders on Billy’s gay basketball coach, Tom Landers, played by Steve Eastin. Tom is portrayed as just a regular guy who happens to be gay, which was really progressive for 1981.
He’s also one of the most sympathetic and heroic characters in the film, and the ending leaves no question about whose side you should be on.
Interesting Note: Four years later, Landers would appear in “A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge,” one of the most thinly disguised gay horror movies of all time.
Killer Condom (1996)
A condom with teeth that bites off male genitalia, presented by the guys who made “The Toxic Avenger”? If this piques your interest, be warned: this is not a typical Troma movie. In fact, they didn’t make it. It’s a German film that they picked up for distribution.
At its heart, it’s a gay love story between a cop and the male prostitute he meets in the seedy underbelly of New York City while investigating the castrating prophylactics. The film is peopled with LGBTQ characters we actually care about and root for… unlike the real villain, who’s unveiled in the final act.
Interesting Fact: H.R. Giger – the Swiss artist who created the xenomorph in “Alien” – served as a creative consultant on this one.
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
The granddaddy of gender-dysphoric killer flicks. Or is it the grandmommy? All these years later, I’m still confused. By now, anybody interested enough to have read this far should know the plot, and its infamous twist ending.
A series of murders at a summer camp are revealed to be the work of Angela, a girl who was secretly a boy all along! At a very young age, Angela’s aunt decided to raise him as a girl, following the deaths of his sister and their father in a boating accident.
Oh, and just to pile on, Angela’s father was gay, and as a young child she/he witnessed Pops in bed with another guy; the implication being that this screwed her/him up even more.
I seriously doubt the filmmakers were trying to make a social or political statement; it’s all just shock value. But still, it sends the message that if your gender doesn’t match your genitals, people die.
Interesting Fact: Kenan Thompson of “Saturday Night Live” fame is producing a remake with the original writer-director. It’ll be interesting to see if they keep the same ending. My guess is no, but mainly because audiences will be expecting it.
Fatal Games (1984)
Students training at an elite athletics academy are being picked off by somebody who chucks a mean javelin.
The killer turns out to be a nurse named Diane, played by Sally Kirkland, who you may remember from “The Sting,”“Best of the Best,”“JFK” and a bunch of other stuff.
But the real reveal is that Diane used to be a man. She had gender reassignment surgery to become a woman so she could be a champion at javelining… which, I discovered while writing this, is an actual word! But Diane was disqualified from competition after tests showed she had too many male hormones.
In the film’s most absurd moment, once the final girl discovers Diane’s secret, she starts speaking in a male voice.
She tells her intended victim, “Don’t you understand? I have sacrificed everything. I have risked everything just to win. I even became a woman just to win!”
Yes, it’s transphobic as shit. But as with “Sleepaway Camp,” I really don’t think any statement was being made here other than, “Yo, dig this crazy twist!”
Still, I’m shocked this flick hasn’t been picked up by the anti-trans movement. I could see Riley Gaines screening it before her (hate) speeches and saying, “See? They’ve been doing it for decades!”
A new survey found that nearly one in three adults (29%!) still admit they’re afraid of the dark.
And not just in a “haha, cute” way. 24% sleep with a nightlight, and 10% go full “lights on” all night. Surprisingly, men are more likely to admit this than women.
Of course, some people make peace with fear by continuing to force themselves to experience it. About 28% of adults say they love horror movies. So yes, we’re a nation of people who leave the bathroom light on after watching The Conjuring.
Men top the charts in horror fandom… 33% say they love scary movies compared to 24% of women…
But they’re also more likely to have nightmares afterward. Big talkers until Pennywise shows up.
The survey also found that horror movies take a real toll on sleep. 28% of people say they’re more likely to wake up in the middle of the night after watching one, 22% say they sleep worse overall, and 12% say they sleep fewer hours.
So the next time someone laughs at you for sleeping with a nightlight, remind them: at least you’re not the one who watched Hereditary at midnight and now thinks your coat rack is haunted. Or maybe that’s you too.
Their 2025 ranking of The Scariest Movies According to Science is out, and it’s based on cold, hard data—specifically, how fast your heart starts pounding while you watch.
Here’s how they figure it out: volunteers are hooked up to heart monitors while watching a lineup of horror movies, and their heart rates are tracked from start to finish.
The higher the spikes, the scarier the movie. Simple, scientific, and absolutely terrifying.
According to this year’s study, “Sinister” (2012) remains the undisputed champion of fear. Directed by Scott Derrickson and starring Ethan Hawke, the film’s mix of true-crime writing and supernatural terror has once again left audiences with the biggest jumps in heart rate.
Right behind it is “Host” (2020), the pandemic-era Zoom horror flick that somehow managed to make video calls even scarier than they already were. And in third place is “Skinamarink” (2022), a hauntingly slow, surreal nightmare that proves minimalism can be just as scary as monsters or gore.
Here’s the full Top 10 list:
“Sinister” (2012)
“Host” (2020)
“Skinamarink” (2022)
“Insidious” (2010)
“Hereditary” (2018)
“The Conjuring” (2013)
“Smile 2” (2024)
“Smile” (2022)
“The Exorcism of Emily Rose” (2005)
“Talk to Me” (2022)
The Science of Scare Project has been running this heart-pounding experiment for years, and while the lineup changes, Sinister almost always lands near the top. The takeaway? Even a decade later, it still knows how to get under your skin.
If you’re looking for a scientifically proven reason to sleep with the lights on tonight, start from number one and work your way down. Just maybe keep a defibrillator handy.
If your idea of the perfect night is turning off the lights, grabbing some popcorn, and screaming your lungs out at a horror flick, CableTV.com has a gig for you. The site is offering $666 (yes, the devil’s favorite number) to watch, rank, and review five scary movies as part of what they’re calling a “Thrillternship.”
This spooky side hustle isn’t just about the cash. The chosen “Thrilltern” also gets a $50 Uber Eats gift card for their midnight snacks and a one-year subscription to Screambox, so the scares can keep on coming long after the experiment is over. But there’s a catch: applicants must be 18 or older, and the deadline to apply is October 7th.
CableTV is clear that this isn’t for the faint of heart.
In their words, they want “real fans of fear, enthusiasts of the eerie, and devotees to the dreadful.” Translation: if you’re the type who hides behind a pillow during “Hocus Pocus”, this job probably isn’t for you.
The assignment is simple but chilling. You’ll choose five movies from their curated list of 13 of the scariest horror films ever made. And it’s a heavy-hitting lineup.
Think classics like “The Exorcist” (1973), “Halloween” (1978), and “The Shining” (1980), alongside modern nightmares like “Hereditary” (2018) and “Get Out” (2017). The list also includes cult favorites like “The Thing” (1982), “Candyman” (1992), and “The Evil Dead” (1981).
Your job is to watch, survive, and then rank and review them. Easy money, right?
Unless you pick something like “Martyrs” (2008), which has been traumatizing audiences for years.
These kinds of promotions pop up every Halloween season, with companies paying people to binge horror movies in exchange for their screams, opinions, and social media buzz. The $666 payout is a clever marketing nod, but the free snacks and streaming subscription sweeten the deal.
So if you’ve got nerves of steel, a love of horror history, and a tolerance for creepy late-night Uber Eats deliveries, this Thrillternship might be your dream (or nightmare) gig. Just don’t forget to sleep with the lights on after “IT” (2017).
Would you sign up for $666 to scare yourself silly, or are you leaving this job to the horror junkies?
It’s camping season. At least I think it is. Actually, I have no idea. I’m more of a hotel guy. I’ve seen way too much death in the great outdoors. At least in the movies.
Plus, sleeping bags are death traps. Don’t believe me? Then I respectfully enter these five examples into evidence.
“Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood” (1988)
Jason Voorhees had already survived a vicious onslaught from Corey Feldman (something we, as a society, have yet to achieve) and returned from the dead to continue mowing through teenagers with an assortment of gardening tools.
But surprisingly, for a franchise rooted in summer camp lore, they waited an awfully long time to have Jason just wrap someone up in their sleeping bag and bash them to death against a tree. They wouldn’t wait that long again…
“Jason X” (2001)
Just three films later we got the obligatory “in space” installment in the “Friday the 13th” franchise. Reviled by many, I would argue it’s the best one since the original more than 20 years prior. All pretense is out the window as we dive intentionally into self-parody. And it’s fun.
Jason, cryogenically frozen for more than 400 years, awakens on a spaceship in the year 2455. (Don’t ask, just go with it.) Obviously, he’s still got murder on his mind, and despite all their gadgetry and scientific know-how, crew members begin dropping just as easily as their dimwitted camp counselor ancestors.
In the movie’s best scene, they try to confuse Jason by luring him onto a holodeck and setting it to “Crystal Lake, Nineteen-Hundred-Eighty.” Jason finds himself in a virtual reality simulation of his old stomping grounds, where two nubile young girls try to tempt him with alcohol, marijuana, and – GASP! – the dreaded premarital sex.
They pop their tops and hop into their sleeping bags, only to have Jason bash them to death against each other. And then a tree. Ain’t space grand?
“Rats: Night of Terror” (1984)
There is simply nothing like Italian Horror from the ’70s and ’80s… especially when the writer-director team of Bruno Mattei, Claudio Fragasso, and Rosella Drudi were involved.
This one’s pretty simple: A biker gang roaming the post-apocalyptic world think they’ve found an old ghost town to hunker down for the night. And then… rats. Followed by a night of terror.
One of the biker chicks makes the mistake of getting into a sleeping bag with a bad zipper, and she’s stuck in their while a rat burrows into her… well, I’ll let you use your imagination.
Minutes later, when her cohorts find her corpse, they watch in, yes, terror as her mouth opens and the rat emerges. A simple trick achieved by the actress wearing a rat “puppet” on her tongue.
FYI, Fragasso and Drudi, married until her death earlier this year, are responsible for one of the greatest “bad” movies of all time, 1990’s “Troll 2.”
“Night of the Demon” (1980)
This is a Bigfoot movie, but it’s no “Harry and the Hendersons.” This sasquatch impregnates a human woman, disembowels a guy and swings his intestines overhead like a lasso, and, in the film’s most outrageous scene, rips a man’s dick off while he’s peeing in the bushes.
He also happens upon a young man sleeping peacefully out in the great wide open. Does he show mercy? Hell no. He picks him up, sleeping bag and all, twirls him around several times and lets him fly. He ends up impaled on a tree branch, hanging upside down while the blood flows up his neck and all over his face.
“Prophecy” (1979)
Decades before “South Park” brought us ManBearPig, director John Frankenheimer served up this eco horror trashterpiece featuring a gigantic mutant bear. Twisted out of proportion by a New England paper mill’s toxic waste, this thing runs amok and starts killing.
As sleeping bag deaths go, this one isn’t the most graphic, but it’s shocking in its sheer brutality. As the bear-thing attacks his campsite, a young kid jumps up, still in his sleeping bag, and tries to hop away. But the bear-thing swats him so hard, he goes flying into a nearby boulder.
This poor boy hits that thing harder than Wyle E. Coyote ever smashed into a rock wall with a tunnel painted on it; such is the force of the impact that his sleeping bag explodes in a snowstorm of feathery down. Truly absurd, yet incredibly effective.
And so, in closing, you can keep your great outdoors; your bugs, your snakes, your sasquatches, and your immortal hockey-masked serial killers.
I’ll be at the hotel, where the only horror that awaits me is my bill after I drink a six-ounce bottle of water from the mini fridge.
![Dawn of the Dead (1978) | Original Trailer [HD] | Coolidge Corner Theatre](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Y_EviQj5tvA/hqdefault.jpg)
![Tammy and the T-Rex (1993) [Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray Promo Trailer]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/NlW0EAhXJbE/hqdefault.jpg)
![Killer Condom (1996) [Vinegar Syndrome 4K Ultra HD + Blu-ray Promo Trailer]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/lDUcmCuwMdA/hqdefault.jpg)
![Fatal Games (1984) [Vinegar Syndrome Blu-ray Promo Trailer]](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/EN5foKBQGGw/hqdefault.jpg)
