I never watch the puke-inducing Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. The competition itself is the grossest 10 minutes of wiener-related content on the internet… and that’s saying something.
But without fail, competitive eating legend Joey Chestnut’s intro is must-watch TV and was an unmatched level of epic once again this year. Who in their right mind starts a monologue about hot dogs with this line?
We are humbled by age in preparation for the great insult of death. But there are those who stand immortal.
Chestnut – who according to his 2025 intro was “formed from the shards of shattered angels” – returned after a year off to once again dominate the competition, horking down an insane 70.5 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes. That’s one dog every 8.45 seconds! 🤮 (2nd place was 46.5 hot dogs. #pathetic)
But again, I choose not to focus on the absurdity of eating nearly six dozen hot dogs in 600 seconds, and instead honor the absurd level of drama that consummate hype-man and Major League Eating co-founder George Shea brings to the event each year.
George delivered these words about Chestnut in 2019 but deserves to have them echoed about himself:
He is the silent warrior who stands where land meets horizon, steadfast and unshakable, a city on a hill lit for all to see. A poem, written using every word of every language of every country in the world. He is a bead of light floating in the dark oil of night. For he is the very vessel of our freedom – the champion of the 4th of July.
Thanks for the irrational level of drama, George. We’re here for it.
