poll – Topical Fruit

Everybody Hates Mondays, Even Retired People

If you woke up today feeling a little “meh,” you’re definitely not alone. A new poll confirms what most of us have suspected forever, Monday is still the least popular day of the week, and it is not even close.

In fact, only 42% of employed Americans say they have a favorable opinion of Mondays. That makes it the clear loser in the weekly popularity contest, which honestly feels about right for the day most associated with alarm clocks, inbox overload, and pretending you are “refreshed” after the weekend.

From there, things improve quickly. Each day gets a little more love as the week rolls on, building up to the real MVP, Saturday. A whopping 85% of working people say they like Saturdays, with Sunday close behind at 78%. That slight dip for Sunday likely comes from that familiar late-day anxiety, when you realize Monday is quietly lurking around the corner.

But here is where things get interesting. Even retired people, who technically live in a world where every day could feel like Saturday, still rank Monday dead last.

Sure, they are a bit more forgiving. About 69% of retirees say they are okay with Mondays, which is much higher than the working crowd. Still, it is their least favorite day of the week. So apparently, Monday’s reputation is so bad it survives even after the need for a job disappears.

The rest of the week for retirees is basically a three-way tie. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday all land at 77% favorability. That kind of supports the long-running joke that once you retire, the days start to blend together. Except, apparently, Monday still manages to stand out, just not in a good way.

There is at least some good news to balance all this out. The same poll asked about favorite months, and things get a lot more cheerful there.

Unsurprisingly, January and February rank at the bottom. Cold weather, post-holiday blues, and long stretches without a day off probably do not help. But things pick up in March and keep climbing.

October takes the top spot overall, with 78% of people saying they like it. May comes in second at 76%, followed by April at 74%. Summer months like June, July, and August all perform well too, along with September.

So while Mondays may never win any popularity contests, at least we have weekends and a few great months to look forward to. And if nothing else, this proves one thing, even if you retire someday, Monday is still going to find a way to annoy you.

Pun Poll: Some Love Wordplay, Others Just Groan

Wordplay might be the lowest form of comedy to some, but to others it is simply a play on brilliance.

A new poll on puns shows the country is pretty divided on whether clever wordplay is witty or just a bit pun-derwhelming.

(Sorry. I do appreciate the polite eye roll.)

The survey asked a simple question: how do you feel about other people making puns?

14% of people say they love when others drop a clever play on words. Another 27% say they like it. That means about four in ten people are at least pun-positive. Meanwhile, 37% feel neutral, which is basically the human equivalent of “meh.” On the more pun-ishing end of the spectrum, 5% say they dislike puns and 3% flat-out hate them. Another 15% are not sure how they feel, which suggests they are still processing a dad joke from 2007.

The poll also flipped the question around and asked how people feel about making puns themselves.

16% say they love crafting a good groaner.

Another 23% like it. 36% are neutral, 4% dislike doing it, and 2% hate it. So yes, there is a small but mighty group who would rather face a tongue twister than attempt a pun.

When it comes to skill level, most people admit they are just average in the wordplay department. However, 6% boldly claim they are outstanding at coming up with puns. That is some serious confidence. On the flip side, 9% say they are horrible at it, which might explain why some jokes never quite land and instead just plane crash.

The demographic breakdown is not shocking. Men are more into puns than women, which tracks with the long-standing tradition of dad jokes being both relentless and unrequested.

Younger adults also tend to appreciate puns more than older folks, proving that wordplay is still very much in its prime.

Puns may not always be well-received, but for a dedicated slice of the population, they are the highest form of humor.

The Most Clever Profanity-Free Insults

Anyone can unload a string of profanities when they’re annoyed. That takes zero skill and about three seconds of effort. The real flex is an insult that uses no swear words at all, yet somehow hurts more.

Someone recently asked people to share their favorite clean insults, and the internet did not disappoint.

Here are some of the best, along with why they hit so hard.

“Some people bring joy wherever they go. Others, whenever.”
This Oscar Wilde classic sounds polite, classy, and harmless until you realize it means everyone is happier the moment you leave.
“If you were any simpler, you would need to be watered twice a week.”
This one is devastating and botanical at the same time.
“Snake mittens.”
Short. Confusing. Brutal. You are useless, and now everyone is picturing it.
“Thanks for helping. It was like doing it by myself, but harder.”
Perfect for group projects, work meetings, or family gatherings.
“May your days be as pleasant as you are.”
This feels like a blessing, until it absolutely is not.
“I envy the people who never met you.”
No notes. Just pure, quiet damage.
“Well, you did your best, and that’s what’s so sad.”
This one should probably come with a warning label.
“Wisdom is chasing him, but that man can run.”
Poetic. Elegant. Ruthless.
“I envy the simplicity of your perspective.”
This sounds thoughtful, but it is absolutely not meant that way.
“We have something in common. Neither of us knows what you’re talking about.”
Ideal for meetings that should have been emails.
“Get well soon.”
Possibly the most confusing insult on the list, and that is what makes it powerful.
“You think you’re a wit, but you’re only halfway there.”
An insult that takes a second to process, then lands hard.
“You have the confidence of someone who’s never been fact-checked.”
Modern. Precise. Extremely online.
“I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”
This one ends conversations immediately.
“Somebody needs a diaper change.”
Uncomfortable, effective, and impossible to recover from.
“I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
Educational and insulting, all at once.
“You’re why the Power Rangers had to yell out their colors.”
This feels oddly specific, which somehow makes it worse.
“Your brain has too many tabs open.”
Relatable, but also deeply judgmental.
“Ignorant potato.”
So clean it still somehow got someone sent to Facebook jail.
“Unfrosted Mini Wheat.”
Dry. Bland. Disappointing. Perfect.

The lesson here is simple. Swearing is easy. Creativity takes work. And if you really want to insult someone while technically remaining polite, nothing beats a well-crafted, profanity-free takedown. Just be careful. Once you call someone “snake mittens,” there is no going back.

How Often Do We Listen to Music? For One in Four, the Answer Is: Always

If you feel like life should have a soundtrack, you’re in good company.

One in four Americans, according to a new YouGov poll, say they more or less always have music on, turning their daily routines into personal concerts.

23% listen to music “almost all the time”

The jumps to 36% for younger listeners as Gen Z’s headphones continue the process of fusing to their skull. Another 44% of Americans listen daily.

Not everyone listens to music

18% only pump the tunes a few times a week, 13% said even less than that, and then there’s the elusive 2% who claim they never listen to music at all, which… we don’t even know what to do with. Silence? On purpose?

Who’d you listen to this year?

The numbers dropped alongside Spotify’s annual Wrapped feature, the thing that lets everyone flex their favorite artists and songs from the past year—or quietly hide them, depending on how 2025 went for your playlists. (3% of us think our taste in music is so cringe, we’d rather keep it a secret.)

A quarter of people say their musical taste evolved over the past year. Maybe they got into jazz, finally gave in to K-pop, or circled back to emo after pretending they’d outgrown it. As for the rest of us? We stuck with our tried-and-true faves like it was still 2011.

So whether you’re blasting music all day or saving it for special moments, the numbers don’t lie – America’s love for music is still going strong, earbuds in and volume up.

Do These 15 Things Count as Cheating?

We all know what cheating is in a relationship… or do we?

Would it be cheating if you watched the next episode of “The Great British Baking Show” without your partner… but with someone else… who you previously dated, and are now just friends with… after having dinner together… but before having sex? (Kidding!)

Thousands of people took an online poll that asked if different things count as cheating or not.

1. Does kissing someone on the cheek count as cheating?

Only 15% say yes. 77% think kissing on the lips is definitely cheating. 3% even think it’s cheating when two actors have to kiss.

2. Scrolling through Tinder when you’re bored, but not messaging anyone?

51% say yes, that’s cheating. If you do message someone, 88% say it’s cheating.

3. Hugging someone very closely and slowly?

21% think that’s cheating.

4. Sending someone else revealing photos?

Yes, 93% say it’s cheating.

5. Giving someone a massage?

25% say it’s cheating no matter the context.

6. Flirting with that cute barista at Starbucks?

35% think it’s cheating.

7. Hooking up with someone else when you’re on a “break”?

38% say it’s cheating. Another 30% think it’s a gray area, so it depends.

8. Sharing a bed, but you don’t do anything?

23% say it’s cheating.

9. Holding hands with someone else?

32% say it’s cheating. Another 39% say it depends.

10. Telling someone, “I’d totally hook up with you if I was single”?

45% say it counts as cheating.

11. Hanging out with an ex without telling your significant other?

Only 44% think that’s definitely cheating.

12. Watching porn?

Only 12% say it’s cheating.

13. Sliding into someone else’s DMs?

63% say it’s cheating.

14. Having sex with someone else?

2% say that’s not cheating.

15. Your partner has been in a coma for months and might not wake up. You sleep with someone else. Is that cheating?

48% say yes.