If you and your partner love bonding over a little tea-spilling about other people, you’re not toxic—you might just be building a better relationship.
A new study out of UC Riverside found that couples who gossip together tend to be happier together. According to researchers, trading hot takes about friends, coworkers, and that one couple from the party last weekend can actually be good for your love life.
The research involved 76 couples, each wearing devices that recorded snippets of their conversations throughout the day—around 14% of their total talk time.
On average, people spent 38 minutes a day gossiping, and about 29 of those minutes were with their significant other. So yes, your partner is officially your gossip BFF.
The researchers think this behavior helps strengthen romantic relationships because it creates emotional intimacy and a sense of “us versus the world.” Whether the gossip is lighthearted or a little more savage, the key is that you’re doing it together.
And it doesn’t have to be mean-spirited. Positive gossip can extend the fun of shared experiences (“I love how funny your coworker is!”), while negative gossip can affirm that you’re on the same page about the people in your orbit. For example, griping about a mutual friend on the ride home from a get-together might reinforce your bond more than pretending everything was great.
The takeaway? Venting, judging, or laughing about other people might actually be one of the secret ingredients to a solid relationship—as long as you’re doing it as a team.
So the next time you and your significant other are on the couch dissecting someone’s awkward toast at a wedding, just remember: it’s not petty, it’s partnership.