We’ve all had those mornings. You’re tired, unmotivated, maybe a little emotionally allergic to your inbox. But most of us still manage to slap on some deodorant and show up anyway. Others? Not so much.
Someone on Reddit recently asked for the wildest excuses people have ever given to miss work, and the responses did not disappoint. From wildlife drama to pop star heartbreak, here are some of the most head-scratching—and hilarious—reasons people have called off the job.
1. “I thought Valentine’s Day was a federal holiday.”
We respect the commitment to romance, but no.
2. “I flushed my car keys down the toilet.”
Yikes.
3. “Chipmunks filled my truck’s engine with walnuts.”
A real-life Alvin and the Chipmunks sabotage. Nature: 1, punctuality: 0.
4. Exfoliating injury?
One woman claimed she sliced her own nose while doing skincare. Those exfoliating scrubs are getting aggressive.
5. “I ran out of toilet paper.”
A surprisingly relatable 2020-style crisis that still makes the excuse list.
6. “There was a big bug outside my door.”
Turns out the terrifying “bug” was just… a piece of string.
7. “I ate a whole log of cookie dough.”
No judgment. Honestly, this one feels more like a mental health day than an excuse.
8. “There was a huge human dookie on my driver’s seat.”
That’s a hard pass on carpooling.
9. “A squirrel bit my finger while I tossed a coffee cup.”
The squirrel was presumably offended at the lack of recycling.
10. “Zayn left One Direction. I can’t.”
Grief is real. So is pop culture heartbreak.
Whether you’re Team PTO or Team “power through it,” these bizarre excuses are a reminder that sometimes truth really is stranger (and more entertaining) than fiction. So next time you’re tempted to call in sick because Mercury’s in retrograde or your dog gave you a weird look, just make sure you have a good excuse.