Tag: summer

The Seasons Are All Wrong – Here Are the New Dates

Hello from Smalltown, USA. It’s mid-September and a lot of leaves have fallen in my yard… but it’s still “summer.” Right.

Here’s another fun one: In mid-December, I’ll be listening to Bing Crosby and sipping hot cocoa in front of my Christmas tree… but it’ll still be “fall.” Riiight.

So since the entire world is already on fire, I propose changing the seasons. It’s time to do away with the solstice and the equinox!

If you’re blessed to live somewhere like Santa Barbara and it’s 70 degrees year round… these words are not for you. Go thank your sky daddy that you live in a land without seasons.

But for the rest of us, simple common sense should prevail. Without further adieu, here are the new dates for all four seasons.

SPRING

Spring starts as soon as Daylight Saving Time hits and we get an hour of sunlight back. I don’t care if it’s still cold, that extra sunlight = spring. But unfortunately, spring dies the moment it gets hot.

(And the definition of hot changes depending on the person and location. For older women, spring is very short because of the hot flashes, so it could end as early as mid-May.)

New Dates: March 8th – May 31st

SUMMER

Here’s a simple test to tell if it’s summer. Did you sweat while walking to your car? If so, summer. In most of the country, that’s June. May tricks you a bit into thinking you live in a nice place… until June smacks you in the face.

But as soon as it hits September, summer dies – even if it’s still hot. As soon as the first leaf hits the ground, it’s fall. Those are the rules.

New Dates: June 1st – August 31st

FALL

When you can purchase cider doughnuts, it’s fall. And it stops being fall the day after Thanksgiving. Black Friday ushers in the grim reality of consumerism and Christmas, which is winter. This is the way.

New Dates: September 1st – Thanksgiving

WINTER

Winter begins the moment you hear Christmas music on the radio and every day after that it’s cold. If your breath is visible and you’re reluctant to leave the house, winter is upon you.

New Dates: Black Friday – March 7th

So we are only shifting these seasons a couple weeks in either direction, I get it. But the distinction is important. Leaves are falling, football is on TV, and kids are back in school. Who honestly thinks it’s still summer?!?

It’s Still Summer… So Why Is Costco Already Setting Up Christmas Displays?

Is it ever too early for a little Christmas cheer? According to at least one Costco in Florida, the answer is a firm “Nope!”

Despite the calendar clinging to summer until September 22nd, and Halloween candy still ruling the seasonal aisle, a Royal Palm Beach shopper recently spotted full-blown Christmas displays at their local Costco. We’re talking trees, lights, and yes, oversized Santa inflatables just chillin’ next to the Halloween snack packs. Somewhere, a pumpkin weeps.

It’s a familiar debate this time of year: when exactly should the holidays begin? Are we really skipping from sunscreen to sleigh bells with barely a pit stop for pumpkin pie?

Online reactions were mixed. One person summed it up with a dramatic, “Costco already has Christmas trees on sale!?! Good Lord!” Which, honestly, feels like the correct reaction when it’s still iced coffee weather and someone’s trying to sell you a snow globe.

But not everyone is clutching their pearls. Others are embracing the early yuletide blitz, pointing out that the sooner it’s out, the better the deals. Why wait for Black Friday when you can score a fake tree before the fall equinox?

And let’s be honest, someone out there is already blasting Mariah Carey in their car, pretending there is snow on the ground. So maybe Costco is just giving the people what they want… three months ahead of schedule.

Still, for those who prefer a more traditional rollout of the holidays, this trend can feel like Christmas creep gone wild. What happened to savoring the spooky vibes of Halloween? Or letting Thanksgiving have its moment before it’s steamrolled by Rudolph?

So what’s the right answer? Should Christmas hit store shelves in September, or should we all agree to wait until the day after Thanksgiving, as the holiday gods (and most radio stations) intended?

For now, it’s clear: Costco isn’t waiting for Santa’s signal. Christmas is here, ready or not.

Americans’ 10 Favorite Ice Cream Truck Orders

Sadly, ice cream trucks aren’t as common as they once were. In fact, there was a poll a while back that found that 17% of Americans had NEVER bought ice cream from an ice cream truck. But it’s summer… so let’s make it happen!

So what to order? A survey listed Americans’ favorite ice cream truck orders, and here are the Top 10:

1.  Crunch Ice Cream Bar

2.  Drumstick

3.  Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich

4.  Twist Soft-Serve Cone

5.  Klondike Bar

6.  Cookies and Cream Ice Cream Bar

7.  Vanilla Soft-Serve Cone

8.  Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich

9.  Oreo Ice Cream Sandwich

10.  Chocolate Drumstick

Overall, they ranked 29 items.  The PowerPuff popsicle came in last… just ahead of the SpongeBob popsicle.

You can find the full results, here. (And yes, the legendary Choco Taco is at #11, even though it was discontinued a few years ago. So you probably won’t be able to find that one right now… but that doesn’t mean it can’t live on in our frost-bitten hearts.)

42% of Dog Owners Say the Best Part of Vacation Is… Coming Home to Their Dog

For dog people, traveling is basically a countdown to getting home and being smothered in fur and slobber.

A new survey of 2,000 dog owners confirms what every pet parent already knows: the highlight of any vacation isn’t the beach, the food, or the overpriced souvenirs… it’s that tail-wagging, zoomie-filled reunion at the front door when they return from the trip.

Here’s how obsessed we are with our dogs:

🐶 42% say coming home to their dog is the best part of the trip
🕐 53 minutes is how long it takes before the average person starts missing their pup
🧠 13 times a day is how often people think about their dog while traveling
📱 19% have asked a pet sitter to put the dog on the phone
📹 17% have FaceTimed their dog
🧳 76% say summer travel plans depend on whether they can find good dog care
😭 22% say missing their dog can ruin their trip
🔮 1 in 5 claim they “always” know what their dog’s going to do before they do it

People also have plenty of vacation anxiety when it comes to their dog.

  • 40% of dog owners say they constantly worry about their pup while traveling
  • 32% don’t trust anyone else to understand their dog’s quirks
  • 34% are afraid their dog won’t get enough love
  • And the same number worry their dog won’t get enough walks or playtime

We’re so deep in the dog-parent lifestyle that 40% of us worry more about the dog’s needs than our own. (Only 19% say the reverse, which feels like a lie.)

But here’s the kicker: while we’re focused on belly rubs and ball tosses, only 28% think about giving their dog mental stimulation, and just 29% prioritize socialization. That’s like feeding your kid lunch but never letting them go to recess or read a book.

Moral of the story: If you’re going to leave your dog behind, make sure they’re living their best life too… because odds are, you’re the one who’s going to suffer more.

Stay Cool This Summer… By Smearing Yogurt on Your Windows

If your air conditioning bill is higher than your self-esteem right now, science has a deliciously bizarre solution: slather yogurt on your windows.

Yep, yogurt. As in, the stuff you eat for breakfast while convincing yourself it’s healthier than ice cream. According to a researcher in the U.K., coating your windows in plain Greek yogurt can cool your home by more than six degrees Fahrenheit. Not by eating it… by literally painting it on your windows.

The idea is that yogurt forms a thin, white film that reflects sunlight and keeps your place from turning into a rotisserie chicken oven. Think of it as sunscreen for your house… if sunscreen smelled like dairy.

They used a basic supermarket-brand Greek yogurt with 10% fat. No word on whether it was organic. They did not use the fruit-on-the-bottom kind, because having peach chunks melting down your window is a level of chaos nobody needs.

Worried about the smell? Don’t be. Researchers say it only stinks for 30 seconds while drying. After that, it’s scent-free… unless you have a dog, in which case your windows are now snackable art.

Also surprising: it doesn’t attract bugs or pests. (Science didn’t explain why. We assume bugs have standards.) Supposedly, it’s also not messy, unless you’re the kind of person who can’t handle a spoon without it turning into a crime scene.

Best of all, you only need about a tablespoon per window. So you can cool your house and still have enough yogurt left for your sad desk lunch.

For anyone reading this and screaming “WHAT ARE WE DOING,” don’t worry… the same study also found that covering your windows with tinfoil works even better. Which is great if you want your neighbors to think you’re either growing something illegal or waiting for the mothership.

But if you’re into weird science, minimal effort, and smelling like a Mediterranean deli for a few seconds, give the yogurt hack a go. One brave soul online tried it on the inside of their office window and said it made a noticeable difference. And visually? It “just looked like white paint.” Cool and cultured.

Our Favorite Summer Activity Isn’t Grilling—It’s Ice Cream

If you’ve got a popsicle in one hand and a scoop of rocky road in the other… I’m not sure how you’re also browsing the internet. But congrats – you’re living your best summer life!

A new poll confirmed that eating “ice cream or popsicles” is America’s #1 favorite summer activity. A full 60% of people love it, and another 35% say they like it. Only 1% admitted to hating it, and we assume they’ve been reported to the proper authorities.

Here’s the full top 10 rundown of summer favorites, based on what Americans actually enjoy most:

  1. Eating ice cream or popsicles
  2. Going on vacation
  3. Grilling
  4. Road trips
  5. Going to the beach
  6. Hiking or nature walks
  7. Swimming in pools
  8. Stargazing
  9. Watching fireworks
  10. Picnics

A few honorable mentions that just missed the top 10: boating, lounging in a hammock, roasting marshmallows, and amusement park adventures.

The biggest surprise? Sunbathing ranked low. Only 14% of Americans say they love laying out in the sun, while 18% outright hate it. Apparently, SPF and air conditioning are winning the culture war.

So if your summer checklist includes ice cream, beach days, road trips, and maybe a little stargazing, you’re officially doing it right.

Which States Are the Best and Worst for Summer Road Trips?

If you’re mapping out the ultimate American road trip this summer, here’s a hot tip: maybe don’t start in Delaware. Or end in Delaware. Or drive through it unless your GPS absolutely insists.

WalletHub just released its annual list of the Best and Worst States for Summer Road Trips, and Delaware came in dead last. Yes, last. Fifty out of fifty.

The ranking looked at 32 factors, including cost, safety, and how many things there are to actually do.

National parks, beaches, amusement parks, lakes, scenic drives… basically all the reasons you’d leave your house in the first place. And apparently, Delaware offers… not a lot of that.

On the flip side, Minnesota took the top spot, which is a win for lakes, mosquitoes, and people who say “ope” unironically.

Here’s the Top 10:

  • 1. Minnesota
  • 2. New York
  • 3. Ohio
  • 4. Utah
  • 5. Louisiana
  • 6. Florida
  • 7. Idaho
  • 8. Texas
  • 9. North Carolina
  • 10. Pennsylvania

And now, the Bottom 10, aka the states where your road trip dreams might go to die:

  • 50. Delaware
  • 49. Connecticut
  • 48. Rhode Island
  • 47. Vermont
  • 46. Montana
  • 45. Hawaii
  • 44. California (amazing things to do, disgusting gas prices)
  • 43. New Mexico
  • 42. Arkansas
  • 41. Maryland

Some bonus tidbits: Louisiana is the cheapest state for a road trip. Idaho is the safest. California has the most to do, but good luck affording any of it unless you’re road-tripping in a Prius and living on protein bars.

And if you’re looking to not get rear-ended, steer clear of New Mexico, South Carolina, and Tennessee… they are the least-safe states to road trip through.

And why is Delaware last? Well, it’s small, and it’s quiet. So unless you’re really into scenic bank headquarters and toll booths, maybe keep driving.

Camping Nightmares: Five Crazy Sleeping Bag Deaths from Horror Movies

It’s camping season. At least I think it is. Actually, I have no idea. I’m more of a hotel guy. I’ve seen way too much death in the great outdoors. At least in the movies.

Plus, sleeping bags are death traps. Don’t believe me? Then I respectfully enter these five examples into evidence.

“Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood” (1988)

Jason Voorhees had already survived a vicious onslaught from Corey Feldman (something we, as a society, have yet to achieve) and returned from the dead to continue mowing through teenagers with an assortment of gardening tools.

But surprisingly, for a franchise rooted in summer camp lore, they waited an awfully long time to have Jason just wrap someone up in their sleeping bag and bash them to death against a tree. They wouldn’t wait that long again…

“Jason X” (2001)

Just three films later we got the obligatory “in space” installment in the “Friday the 13th” franchise. Reviled by many, I would argue it’s the best one since the original more than 20 years prior. All pretense is out the window as we dive intentionally into self-parody. And it’s fun.

Jason, cryogenically frozen for more than 400 years, awakens on a spaceship in the year 2455. (Don’t ask, just go with it.) Obviously, he’s still got murder on his mind, and despite all their gadgetry and scientific know-how, crew members begin dropping just as easily as their dimwitted camp counselor ancestors.

In the movie’s best scene, they try to confuse Jason by luring him onto a holodeck and setting it to “Crystal Lake, Nineteen-Hundred-Eighty.” Jason finds himself in a virtual reality simulation of his old stomping grounds, where two nubile young girls try to tempt him with alcohol, marijuana, and – GASP! – the dreaded premarital sex.

They pop their tops and hop into their sleeping bags, only to have Jason bash them to death against each other. And then a tree. Ain’t space grand?

“Rats: Night of Terror” (1984)

There is simply nothing like Italian Horror from the ’70s and ’80s… especially when the writer-director team of Bruno Mattei, Claudio Fragasso, and Rosella Drudi were involved.

This one’s pretty simple: A biker gang roaming the post-apocalyptic world think they’ve found an old ghost town to hunker down for the night. And then… rats. Followed by a night of terror.

One of the biker chicks makes the mistake of getting into a sleeping bag with a bad zipper, and she’s stuck in their while a rat burrows into her… well, I’ll let you use your imagination.

Minutes later, when her cohorts find her corpse, they watch in, yes, terror as her mouth opens and the rat emerges. A simple trick achieved by the actress wearing a rat “puppet” on her tongue.

FYI, Fragasso and Drudi, married until her death earlier this year, are responsible for one of the greatest “bad” movies of all time, 1990’s “Troll 2.”

“Night of the Demon” (1980)

This is a Bigfoot movie, but it’s no “Harry and the Hendersons.” This sasquatch impregnates a human woman, disembowels a guy and swings his intestines overhead like a lasso, and, in the film’s most outrageous scene, rips a man’s dick off while he’s peeing in the bushes.

He also happens upon a young man sleeping peacefully out in the great wide open. Does he show mercy? Hell no. He picks him up, sleeping bag and all, twirls him around several times and lets him fly. He ends up impaled on a tree branch, hanging upside down while the blood flows up his neck and all over his face.

“Prophecy” (1979)

Decades before “South Park” brought us ManBearPig, director John Frankenheimer served up this eco horror trashterpiece featuring a gigantic mutant bear. Twisted out of proportion by a New England paper mill’s toxic waste, this thing runs amok and starts killing.

As sleeping bag deaths go, this one isn’t the most graphic, but it’s shocking in its sheer brutality. As the bear-thing attacks his campsite, a young kid jumps up, still in his sleeping bag, and tries to hop away. But the bear-thing swats him so hard, he goes flying into a nearby boulder.

This poor boy hits that thing harder than Wyle E. Coyote ever smashed into a rock wall with a tunnel painted on it; such is the force of the impact that his sleeping bag explodes in a snowstorm of feathery down. Truly absurd, yet incredibly effective.

And so, in closing, you can keep your great outdoors; your bugs, your snakes, your sasquatches, and your immortal hockey-masked serial killers.

I’ll be at the hotel, where the only horror that awaits me is my bill after I drink a six-ounce bottle of water from the mini fridge.

The 10 Best Backyard Games of All Time

Summer is here! So we ranked the 10 best backyard games of all time.

Quick Disclaimer: Any list like this is going to be subjective, and personal preference comes into play. But that being said, we friggin’ nailed it. So if you disagree with these rankings, you might need to take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Have I lost touch with my inner child? Do I still know how to have fun? Am I dead inside?”

Without further ado, here are the 10 best backyard games of all time, ranked according to fun, accessibility, and overall popularity.

1. Cornhole

It’s the undisputed king of the backyard. Whether you’re at a barbecue or a tailgate, cornhole is almost guaranteed to be there. Modern cornhole originated in Cincinnati in the 1960s, but a similar game with square holes was patented way back in 1883. History aside, it’s easy, addictive, and oddly competitive even before you start drinking. (Bonus points for being able to play with a beer in one hand.)

2.  Bocce 

The beauty of bocce? You don’t need a perfect lawn or even grass. A patch of dirt or gravel works just fine. It’s perfect for all ages, and vibes somewhere between lawn chess and bowling for grownups. (Pro tip: beach bocce sets are lighter and easier for kids.)

3.  Wiffle Ball

A dad in Connecticut came up with it in the summer of ’53 and made backyard baseball possible. If you haven’t swung one of those skinny yellow bats in a while, it makes you feel oddly strong. There were also the big fat red ones – the perfect weapon for toddlers looking to attack Dad’s knees, ankles, and groin.

4.  Two-Hand Touch / Flag Football

An American classic. All you need is a ball (preferably a Nerf one) and maybe a couple rags to tuck in your waistband. Bonus points if you have that one cousin who takes it way too seriously.

5.  Kickball

A gym-class hero that never lost its charm, it’s a game played worldwide. Brits call it “football rounders,” Canadians call it “soccer baseball.” 😑 But everyone everywhere calls it a great excuse to sprint around your yard like it’s third grade again.

6.  Horseshoes

A little more advanced and not quite kid-friendly (those things are heavy). But if you’ve got a sandpit setup, horseshoes are peak chill-and-throw fun.

7.  Badminton

Not as trendy as it once was, and setup takes a minute. But it’s a whole lot of fun if you’re willing to go through the hassle of putting up the net. Once you’re rallying, it’s hard not to get competitive, and the boing sound of a shuttlecock hitting your racket is just oddly satisfying. (Plus, who doesn’t love saying “shuttlecock.”)

8.  Ladderball

Invented by a Pennsylvania mailman and made mainstream by Ladder Golf LLC in 2005, ladder toss has carved out a permanent spot on the backyard game roster. It’s simple, weirdly strategic, and totally addictive.

9.  Lawn darts

Yes, the OG version was basically a weapon. But honestly, wasn’t that a plus? The lawn darts of today are kid-safe and just as fun. (Lies.) Toss them into a target circle to start racking up points – and memories.

10.  Croquet

Sure, it’s old-school… and no one plays it anymore. But croquet was incredibly popular in its heyday and still brings a fancy twist to the backyard. It’s low-impact, slow-paced, and ideal for those sipping something out of a glass with a garnish.

It’s undoubtedly the fanciest pick on the list – the type of game that makes you feel like a member of the aristocracy. But while the word is French, the game actually originated in England in the 1800s. So… not as fancy.

Honorable Mention: Playing Catch

It’s not exactly a “game,” but throwing a ball back and forth has always been part of the backyard DNA. Maybe not Top 10 material, but definitely top vibes.

The Snubs

A few more games that almost made our cut include hide-and-seek, tag, Spikeball, Kan Jam (a.k.a. “Garbage Can Frisbee”), and beer pong if your backyard hangs are more 21+. Ultimate Frisbee also rules if your yard is a full acre.

Are You Freaky Enough to Try These Sauce Combinations?

Summer menus are dominated by sandwiches and smoky barbecue, and for many Americans, the secret weapon is in the sauce. Whether it’s a classic condiment like ketchup or a homemade blend, sauce makes the meal. But some people are getting a little too creative with their pairings.

A new poll set out to discover which foods Americans think are best enjoyed with sauces, and there’s no surprise at the top: French fries came in first, with 73% of people saying they’re best when dipped.

Chicken nuggets landed in second place, followed by hot dogs, chicken wings, cheeseburgers, tacos, nachos, deli sandwiches, pizza, and vegetables.

But while the top picks are standard fare, the poll also uncovered a strange side of America’s sauce obsession—some truly unusual food-and-sauce combos people swear by. Among the weirder choices:

  • French fries with tartar sauce
  • Scrambled eggs with barbecue sauce
  • Pickles drenched in Buffalo sauce
  • Macaroni and Worcestershire sauce
  • Honey mustard on pita bread
  • Ramen noodles smothered in ranch dressing

Yes, ranch on ramen.

And it turns out Americans are committed to their sauce lifestyle—on average, we keep eight different kinds of sauce in our refrigerators. That means some of us are mixing and matching a lot more than just ketchup and mustard.

Whether your go-to is something conventional like Sriracha or you’re dabbling in crazier concoctions, sauces are clearly more than just condiments—they’re conversation starters, culinary experiments, and, for better or worse, expressions of personal taste.

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