Can Your Dog Be a Tax Dependent? A Lawyer Says They Should

If raising kids feels expensive… raising pets is not exactly cheap either. Food, vet bills, grooming, boarding, training, toys you swear you will stop buying… it all adds up fast. And now, one lawyer is asking a question plenty of pet owners have at least joked about during tax season:

Why can’t pets count as legal dependents?

A lawyer filed a lawsuit against the IRS, arguing that pets should qualify as dependents for tax purposes, just like human family members. It sounds ridiculous at first, but once you dig into her argument, it starts to feel… possible?

97% of American pet owners say they consider their pets part of the family. And unlike your freeloading cousin, pets are truly dependent. They rely on humans for food, shelter, medical care, transportation, training, and basically every aspect of daily life. No side hustle. No allowance. No chance of paying rent.

The lawyer says her own eight-year-old golden retriever meets nearly every requirement the IRS looks for when defining a dependent. The dog has no independent income, lives exclusively with her, and racks up more than $5,000 a year in expenses. From a purely financial standpoint, the only thing the dog is missing is being human.

Right now, that is kind of a big deal. The IRS officially classifies pets as property, not people, which makes them ineligible for any dependent-related tax breaks.

That distinction is exactly what this lawsuit is challenging.

Still, even people who would love to write off their Labradoodle are not holding their breath. Legal experts say the case faces long odds. One major hurdle is something called legal standing. To sue, you have to prove you were directly harmed, and courts generally do not allow people to challenge the tax code just because they do not like it.

The lawyer insists she has been harmed, arguing that the tax rules are unfairly applied and discriminatory because they treat taxpayers differently based solely on whether their dependents are human.

As of now, the case has not been dismissed, so it is technically still alive. But realistically, do not expect to be claiming your dog, cat, or horse on next year’s return. For the moment, your pet is still family in every way that matters, just not according to the IRS.

IRS Agents Told to Start Watching Porn at Work

Here’s a new job title that’s sure to get some raised eyebrows: “Government Porn Watcher.”

Thanks to a recent tax law passed by Congress, IRS agents will start reviewing content on OnlyFans to determine if it qualifies as “pornographic activity” – because if it is, the taxman still gets his cut.

“No Tax on Tips,” But Still Tax on T*ts

The bizarre-sounding assignment comes courtesy of the “No Tax on Tips” law passed over the summer. The law is meant to make things easier on workers who earn tips – and probably weren’t reporting most of them anyway – but it includes one glaring exception: tips for pornographic activity are still taxable. So now, to figure out whether a creator’s tips are tax-free or not, agents are literally being asked to watch the content.

What Counts as “Porn”?

It’s a trickier question than you’d think, because there still isn’t an official definition for what counts as “porn” in this context. So agents might be forced to fall back on the classic line uttered by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart in 1964: “I know it when I see it.” More of a shrug than a legal standard.

OnlyFans Isn’t Just Porn

Not everything on OnlyFans is adult content. There are celebrities, fitness influencers, chefs, and others using the platform without getting naked. But with almost five million creators in the mix, and no clear breakdown of how many are based in the U.S. or posting R-rated material, the IRS has their work cut out for them.

Perfect Job for Perverts?

This strange new responsibility has been making the rounds online, with people joking that the government has officially found a way to turn being a perv into a pension-eligible career.

So if you were thinking your job was weird today, just know there’s someone out there filling out a government form after binge-watching NSFW content for tax purposes.

Exit mobile version