The Best and Worst Sounds to Make in Bed

Wait… is lying there silent and motionless not a turn-on? Hmm, might have to adjust my technique.

A survey by the dating (err, hook-up) site SaucyDates.com asked men and women to rank some of the most common noises people make during sex.

If you’re not sure what your signature sound should be in the bedroom, here’s a handy guide to what people actually like, and what makes them want to fake a headache.

How Popular Are These Sex Sounds?

1. Moaning

• 91% of men like it
• 77% of women like it

Verdict: The universal go-to. Moaning is the gold standard of bedroom sounds.

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2. Talking Dirty

• 77% of men
• 74% of women

Verdict: Verbal flirting works. If you’ve got a sexy voice and/or a decent imagination, you’re in business.

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3. Heavy Breathing

• 60% of men
• 46% of women

Verdict: Totally acceptable. Sounds of exertion = still hot… just maybe don’t sound like you’re running a marathon.

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4. Screaming

• 51% of men
• 36% of women

Verdict: It’s polarizing. Some like it wild, others prefer their neighbors not call the cops.

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5. Swearing

• 39% of men
• 31% of women

Verdict: High risk, high reward. When done right, it’s hot. When done wrong, it’s…awkward.

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6. Squeaking

• 28% of men
• 15% of women

Verdict: Is this you, or the bed? Either way, it’s not topping anyone’s fantasy list.

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7. Silence

• 8% of men
• 13% of women
• Verdict: So, 1 in 12 men and 1 in 8 women actually do like the silent treatment. Maybe I don’t need to change my technique after all.

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Bonus: The Worst Phrases to Say in Bed

They also polled people to find the worst lines to blurt out in the sack. Whether you’re getting it on with a man or a woman, #1 is the same for both. But then things get interesting.

Top Lines Men Don’t Want to Hear

1. The wrong name
2. “I need to poop.”
3. “What time is it?”
4. “That’s it?”
5. “Get it over with.”

Top Lines Women Don’t Want to Hear

1. The wrong name
2. “I can’t do it.”
3. “I’m going soft.”
4. “Did you do this with your ex?”
5. Any mention of the woman’s sister