Category: That’s Bananas

Aliens. Florida. Naked people doing crimes. Stories so weird, dumb, or oddly impressive, you’ll wonder how they’re even real – and maybe wish they weren’t.

Husband Forgets Wife on Road Trip, Drives 186 Miles

If you’re out on a road trip this summer with the fam, make sure to do a headcount before pulling away from the gas station.

A 62-year-old man from France is making headlines – and likely sleeping on the couch – after he accidentally left his wife behind at a rest stop during a family drive from Paris to Morocco. He didn’t realize she was missing until nearly 200 miles later.

Yes, really.

It happened on Day One of a 27-hour drive.

The trip was meant to be a relaxing and scenic multi-day journey. Their 22-year-old daughter was along for the ride too, sleeping in the back seat when things went sideways.

Around 4:30 a.m. on July 5th, the husband pulled into a gas station to fuel up. When he hit the road again, he somehow didn’t notice his wife wasn’t in the car.

Not ideal.

The oblivious husband just kept on driving.

To make things worse, he didn’t realize what had happened until around 8:30 a.m. – a full four hours and 186 miles later.

At that point, he called the police but couldn’t remember which gas station he’d stopped at – or even which city it was in. (Clearly a man who does not plan the family vacations.)

His wife was okay, if maybe a tad annoyed.

Fortunately, police were able to locate his 60-year-old wife by checking her cell phone records. It turned out she’d been sitting at the gas station the entire time, waiting patiently for her loving husband and daughter to notice she was missing.

How did he not realize?

Authorities didn’t explain how the husband failed to notice she was missing for such a long stretch of time. Maybe she’d been sleeping in the back, and he didn’t realize she got out to use the bathroom? Or was he just way too focused on making good time?

Police initially suspected he may have ditched her on purpose, but eventually concluded it was a genuine – if completely bonkers – mistake. No legal charges were filed, but we imagine his wife will be bringing it up every time they have a fight from now on.

After backtracking nearly 200 miles, he picked her up and the family resumed their drive. There may have been a few awkward silences along the way.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Just Dropped Bacon-Flavored Cereal

If your breakfast routine feels a little too normal lately, this should weird things up. General Mills and Hormel have joined forces to throw a sizzling curveball our way.

Bacon-flavored Cinnamon Toast Crunch is now officially a thing. You can grab a bag at Walmart for a limited time. (I know… it’s tragic this can’t be a permanent fixture in your breakfast rotation.)

Cinnamon + sugar + bacon?

The sweet-and-savory mashup is the latest experiment in cereal innovation that’s raising some eyebrows (and a few stomachs). It still has that classic cinnamon sugar crunch fans know and love, but now with a layer of bacon flavoring added to the mix. Before you get too excited (or horrified), there’s no real bacon in there. Just “artificial bacon flavor,” whatever that is.

Not their first rodeo.

Why thrust pork cereal upon the American public? Because we want it! General Mills claims fans were into last year’s cinnamon-flavored bacon collab between the two brands, and this was the logical next step.

Pizza-flavored cereal too?

The new hog-infused Cinnamon Toast Crunch comes on the heels of an arguably even bolder concoction from earlier in the year. In January, the brand teamed up with Totino’s for a pizza-flavored cereal giveaway. Their excuse that time was the Super Bowl. Their excuse (or potential apology) for pork-flavored cereal is still pending.

So, how’s it taste?

Snackolator got early access and called the taste “not terrible.” So… high praise. But hey, not everyone’s taste buds are ready for porky-sweet cereal fusion at 7 a.m. (I bet the leftover milk at the bottom of your bowl tastes interesting.)

@snackolator

Would you try bacon flavored Cinnamon Toast Crunch? This one is wild but it’s fun… definitely worth a try. Huge thanks to @CinnamonToastCrunch for the early taste! #cereal #cinnamontoastcrunch #foodreview #snackreview

♬ original sound – snackolator

You actually want to try this?

If so, get your butt to Sam Walton’s cute lil’ mom-and-pop store down the street. They’re only selling it at Walmart, where six-ounce bags run you $5.84 a pop. That’s a hefty price for something you may only eat on a dare, or serve to guests as a prank.

So, is bacon-flavored cereal a bold new frontier in breakfast? Or just a weird flex we didn’t ask for? Only your spoon can decide. But one thing’s for sure. If you’ve ever wished your cereal tasted more like brunch at a state fair, your moment has arrived.

Oxford English Dictionary Adds “Bag of Dicks” to Its Official Lexicon

In a moment sure to delight lovers of colorful language everywhere, the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) has officially added the phrase “bag of dicks” to its pages. Yes, you read that correctly, “bag of dicks” is now a dictionary entry.

The newly-included term is labeled as “coarse slang,” with the definition: “In various expressions used to convey hostile or contemptuous dismissal, esp. to suck (or eat) a bag of dicks (frequently in imperative).”

This inclusion isn’t just a one-off shock entry. It’s part of OED’s ongoing mission to document the evolving nature of language, especially how casual, internet-fueled, and often vulgar phrases have permeated everyday conversation.

While the phrase may not be the sort of thing you’d drop into a wedding toast (unless it’s that kind of wedding), it’s definitely found a long-standing home in the corners of pop culture, meme culture, and online forums where creativity and crassness go hand in hand.

Like other recent additions such as “FAFO” and “smh,” this one reflects how online slang continues to shape the English language. And as always, Oxford’s additions aim not to endorse usage, but to acknowledge and record the way people really speak and write today.

So the next time someone tells you to go eat a bag of dicks, you’ll know they’re speaking proper English.

Joey Chestnut Wins Again, Gets Another Epic Hot Dog Intro

I never watch the puke-inducing Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest. The competition itself is the grossest 10 minutes of wiener-related content on the internet… and that’s saying something.

But without fail, competitive eating legend Joey Chestnut’s intro is must-watch TV and was an unmatched level of epic once again this year. Who in their right mind starts a monologue about hot dogs with this line?

We are humbled by age in preparation for the great insult of death. But there are those who stand immortal.

@espn

Joey Chestnut is ready to go for a chance to win his 17th Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest title 👀 #joeychestnut #hotdog #glizzy #4thofjuly #july4th

♬ original sound – ESPN

Chestnut – who according to his 2025 intro was “formed from the shards of shattered angels” – returned after a year off to once again dominate the competition, horking down an insane 70.5 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes. That’s one dog every 8.45 seconds! 🤮 (2nd place was 46.5 hot dogs. #pathetic)

@espn

Chestnut downs 70.5 hot dogs to win his 17th Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest title 🏆🌭 #hotdog #eating #joeychestnut #july4th #challenge

♬ original sound – ESPN

But again, I choose not to focus on the absurdity of eating nearly six dozen hot dogs in 600 seconds, and instead honor the absurd level of drama that consummate hype-man and Major League Eating co-founder George Shea brings to the event each year.

George delivered these words about Chestnut in 2019 but deserves to have them echoed about himself:

He is the silent warrior who stands where land meets horizon, steadfast and unshakable, a city on a hill lit for all to see. A poem, written using every word of every language of every country in the world. He is a bead of light floating in the dark oil of night. For he is the very vessel of our freedom – the champion of the 4th of July.

Thanks for the irrational level of drama, George. We’re here for it.

America’s Favorite Fourth of July Plan? Absolutely Nothing

If your big Fourth of July plans include sitting around doing as little as humanly possible, congratulations… you’re in good company.

According to a new poll, the number one thing Americans are looking forward to this weekend is doing nothing.

43% of people say their Independence Day plans involve kicking back at home, which officially makes chilling out the most American activity of all.

But not everyone’s embracing couch life. Here’s what else is on the agenda this Fourth of July:

  • 35% are planning some quality time with family or heading to a family gathering.
  • 33% will be attending a barbecue or picnic. (Is it even the Fourth without a hot dog and questionable potato salad?)
  • 16% will catch a fireworks display—whether from a local park or the neighbor who always buys the illegal stuff from out of state.
  • 10% say they’ll be setting off their own fireworks, which actually seems low. (We see you, backyard pyros.)
  • 10% are heading to a formal Fourth of July event like a parade.
  • 11% will be watching sports, possibly from a lawn chair.
  • 5% plan to hit the beach.
  • 4% will go camping or hiking.
  • 2% are going fishing.
  • And a surprisingly relatable 10% answered “none of the above,” a.k.a. “zero plans, leave me alone.”

So whether you’re lighting up the grill, setting off fireworks, or just setting your phone to “Do Not Disturb,” it looks like there’s no wrong way to celebrate. Just don’t feel bad if your most ambitious goal this weekend is not putting on pants. That, apparently, is the true American dream.

“One Mississippi, Two Mississippi”: In Other Countries

If you’re having a low-stakes kind of day, this might be the most delightfully useless but hilarious thing you’ll see: someone on Reddit asked non-Americans what their version of “One Mississippi, Two Mississippi” is… and the responses did not disappoint.

These playful phrases, often used by kids to count seconds during games like hide-and-seek, vary wildly depending on where you’re from. But the creativity? Universal. Let’s take a scenic world tour of weird and wonderful second-counting traditions.

In Denmark, they apparently count beers: “One case of beer, two cases of beer…” Not exactly playground material, but A+ for local flair.

Scotland goes full safari with “One elephant, two elephant,” while up in Canada, it’s a toss-up between “One hippopotamus” and “One steamboat.”

In Brazil, kids say “Um indiozinho, dois indiozinhos,” which translates to “One little Indigenous kid, two little Indigenous kids.” India opts for “Tick tick one, tick tick two,” which sounds like it could double as a suspense-building sound effect. Meanwhile, China gets rhythmic with, “1-2-3-4, 2-2-3-4…” and repeats up to ten before looping back.

Aussies might say, “One cat and dog, two cat and dog,” although one local insisted they’ve never heard that in their life… so it may just be folklore at this point. Mexicans take a minimalist approach with a calm, deliberate “Uno… dos… tres…”

One resident of Mississippi admitted that growing up there, they thought everyone just used the name of their own state. So “One North Carolina, Two North Carolina”?

And finally, a shout-out to the South African who used “One Mississippi” . . . without even knowing what or where “Mississippi” was.

So no, it won’t solve any of the world’s problems. But it might make your next round of hide-and-seek a little more international.

Feeling the Heat? Grab a Glass of Milk

If you’re currently melting in the nationwide heat wave and reaching for another bottle of water, you might want to reconsider.

A doctor in the U.K. is making waves online for suggesting that milk—good old-fashioned cow juice—is actually a better hydrator than water when the temperature climbs. That’s right, your childhood beverage of choice might just be your best defense against dehydration.

So what makes milk so magical in the heat? First off, it’s about 87% water. But what gives it an edge is everything else in it.

The sugar, protein, and fat slow down digestion, which means your body holds onto the fluids longer. Translation: you stay hydrated longer without constantly chugging fluids like a camel at a spa.

Milk also packs a sneaky punch of sodium, which helps your body retain water . . . basically functioning like a natural sports drink. Electrolytes? Check. Hydration? Check. Weird looks from your friends when you’re chugging milk in 95-degree heat? Also check.

But don’t worry, vegans and dairy-intolerant folks aren’t out of luck. The doc says soy milk is a solid alternative with similar hydration benefits. Just skip the vanilla almond-coconut-oat extravaganza if hydration is your goal . . . those might not have the same water-retention magic.

While you might not see athletes slamming milk instead of Gatorade anytime soon, the science adds up. So next time you’re overheating and reaching for a sports drink, consider moo-ving over to the dairy section instead.

Move Over, Dick Butkus — There’s a New MVP of NSFW Sports Names

Baseball just got a whole lot more memorable, thanks to the New York Mets and their newest addition to the bullpen: Dickey Lovelady.

Yes, that is his real name. And yes, Mets fans are already obsessed.

Technically, the left-handed reliever goes by Richard Lovelady, and that’s what you’ll see on his baseball card, and probably in the stat sheets. But according to a Mets beat reporter, he prefers to be called “Dickey” — especially if you run into him at the stadium or on the street. And the internet is having an absolute field day.

One fan joked that “Dickey Lovelady sounds like it’s straight out of a Seinfeld episode,” while another swore he had to be an “Austin Powers character.”

It’s the kind of name that would get rejected from a video game for being too suggestive. But in real life? It’s pitching for the Mets.

To be fair, Dick Butkus — the legendary Chicago Bears linebacker — has long held the title of “Most Inappropriate Sports Name That’s Actually Real.” But in 2025, it might finally be time to pass the torch. Or the glove.

Lovelady’s been bouncing around the minors for a few years, including a stint with the Minnesota Twins organization. Now, he’s landed in New York, where fans don’t always have a ton to celebrate. But even in a preseason without much hope, they’re taking this win.

Of course, if you were hoping to slide into DMs, you’re out of luck. The man is married and has a kid. Sorry, folks — this Lovelady’s already spoken for.

CLEVELAND, OHIO – SEPTEMBER 12: Richard Lovelady #55 of the Tampa Bay Rays throws a pitch during the ninth inning against the Cleveland Guardians at Progressive Field on September 12, 2024 in Cleveland, Ohio. (Photo by Nick Cammett/Diamond Images via Getty Images)

These Obsolete Skills Still Live Rent-Free in Our Brain

Wanna feel old? (Or older than you already did?) People online are sharing all the quirky, now-useless skills they still remember… and if you were born before apps were a thing, chances are you’ve got a few of these stored in your mental attic.

Here’s a nostalgic list of obsolete talents many of us haven’t used in decades, but could still pull off in our sleep:

  1. Programming a VCR
    If you could make it stop blinking 12:00, you were basically the family tech support.
  2. Dubbing tapes with two VCRs
    Including the sacred ritual of removing the plastic tab so no one taped over Spaceballs.
  3. Rewinding a cassette with a pencil
  4. Loading and developing 35mm film
  5. Driving stick
    Still potentially useful if you find a car from the ‘90s or a luxury European rental.
  6. Using a Thomas Guide
    You had to read a map using Battleship-like grids.
  7. Making a mixtape
    From radio. In real time. With perfect timing.
  8. Covering school books with paper bags
    Sharpie doodles were encouraged.
  9. Running MS-DOS programs
  10. Memorizing phone numbers
    Jenny’s number (867-5309) lives rent-free in our heads forever.
  11. Customizing Winamp skins
  12. Using carbon paper
    The OG “copy and paste.”
  13. Folding a roadmap
    Or more accurately: trying, failing, and then “making it work.”
  14. Pinning a cloth diaper
    And doing it without poking a baby. Legend status.
  15. Making a weed pipe out of a Coke can
    You didn’t learn that in shop class, but maybe you should’ve.

Whether you’re laughing, cringing, or feeling weirdly proud, these skills are little time capsules of life before everything got smart, touch-enabled, and stored in the cloud.

Too Many Nightmares Can Literally Scare You to Death

Having nightmares once in a while is normal, especially nightmares where you’re being chased down a beach by a sentient flock of angry toupees. (No? Just me?)

A study presented at the annual European Academy of Neurology conference in Finland found that having bad dreams regularly could cause more than just a poor night’s sleep. People who frequently suffer from nightmares are significantly more likely to die young.

Yes, too many nightmares could be deadly.

Researchers tracked participants for nearly 20 years and found a disturbing link. Those who reported having nightmares at least once a week were three times more likely to die before the age of 70.

They think it’s tied to how our bodies respond to stress. Just like in real life, your system goes into panic mode during nightmares, pumping out cortisol – a stress hormone strongly linked to faster cellular aging.

“Our sleeping brains cannot distinguish dreams from reality. That’s why nightmares often wake us up sweating, gasping for breath, and with our hearts pounding – because our fight-or-flight response has been triggered. This stress reaction can be even more intense than anything we experience while awake.”

Okay, maybe you’ll live. But bad dreams make you age faster too.

The study found people with frequent nightmares tend to age faster as well. So, nightmares that your hair turned gray could actually make your hair turn gray! They say the sped-up cellular aging is 40% of the reason you’re more likely to die young.

Sleep well… your life might depend on it.

The results of the study point to a close connection between disturbed sleep, chronic stress, and long-term health. So if you’re waking up in a cold sweat more nights than not, it might be time to take your sleep hygiene (and stress levels) seriously.

If you’ve been brushing off your bad dreams as no big deal, you might want to rethink that decision.

Maybe sleep on it. Sweet dreams!

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