That’s Bananas – Page 4

There’s a Push to Rename American Football. So… What Should We Call It?

It’s official: even football is up for rebranding in 2025.

At a recent FIFA event, President Trump stirred the pot by declaring that soccer is the real football, and suggested it’s time for the American version to get a new name. “When you think about it, [soccer] is football. There’s no question about it,” he said, adding, “We have to come up with another name for the NFL stuff.”

That offhand comment was all the internet needed to launch into full naming-mode. Because if we’re not calling it football anymore, what are we calling it?

Here are the most popular suggestions bouncing around social media, some serious, some… less so:

Real Contenders:

Gridiron: The front-runner so far. It’s already a widely accepted term outside the U.S., and “National Gridiron League” (NGL) has a nice ring to it. No one tell the Canadians we’re stealing this.
Pigskin: A classic nickname. It’s familiar, it’s weirdly nostalgic, and you can already hear announcers yelling, “It’s Pigskin Sunday!”
AmeriBall: Because why give up the word “football” entirely when we can just red, white, and blue the whole thing?
Tackle Football or “American Football”: Technically accurate, but let’s be honest, everyone would just keep calling it football anyway, defeating the whole purpose.

Snarky (but kinda genius) options:

Full-Contact Chess: A name that tells you everything about the strategy and the brain-melting complexity of the game… plus, people get tackled.
Hand Egg or Eggball: These jokes have been floating around online for years, thanks to the obvious fact that the ball isn’t round, and it’s barely kicked.
Trump Ball: Let’s just say this one probably won’t get bipartisan support.
DraftKings Ball: A nod to the fact that half the audience is only watching for fantasy points and prop bets anyway.
Footbowl: Not bad, right? It ties in with Super Bowl, Pro Bowl, Toilet Bowl, etc. Bonus points for sounding like a competitive eating event.

And then there’s the completely chaotic tier:

Yardball: For those proudly resisting the metric system.
Millionaire Fight Club: Not inaccurate.
Footsie: No.
Soccer: What could possibly go wrong?

Of course, Trump made the comment while receiving a “Peace Prize” from FIFA, so there’s a solid chance this was just a bit of international sweet talk. But regardless, the naming debate is on.

Whether you’re Team Gridiron or ride-or-die for Eggball, one thing’s clear: whatever we do call it, it’s still going to involve giant humans colliding at full speed while fans scream at their TVs with queso in hand.

So… call it what you want. Just don’t mess with Sundays.

Christmas Carols from Hell That Will Haunt Your Holidays

If you think hearing “All I Want for Christmas Is You” 400 times a day is rough, buckle in.

The internet has curated a list of Christmas songs so chaotic, so unhinged, so unintentionally hilarious, they feel like they were handcrafted in the warm glowing fires of holiday torment. And yes, they are all real.

This roundup of Christmas Carols from Hell has been making the rounds again, and honestly, it’s the perfect seasonal content if you enjoy holiday music with a side of chaos. If you’re searching for worst Christmas songs, weird Christmas covers, or just need something to ruin your family’s sanity for fun, this list delivers.

Here are 11 tracks waiting to jingle your nerves:

“Here Comes Santa Claus” by Mrs. Miller
Mrs. Miller was discovered by the announcer from “Laugh-In”, and once you hear her approach to holiday cheer, you will understand exactly how that happened. Imagine your grandma singing karaoke after a sherry or three.
“Silent Night” by Wing
Wing Han Tsang went from hobbyist singer to cult legend in New Zealand. She eventually became famous enough for “South Park” to parody her. Her version of “Silent Night” sounds like your GPS trying to serenade you.
“White Christmas” by Tiny Tim
Tiny Tim’s falsetto already makes this a unique experience, but check out “Silent Night” for a spoken-word rant calling out hypocrites, fornicators, and child molesters. Nothing says holiday spirit like that vibe shift.
“Little Drummer Boy” by William Hung
Yes, William Hung from “American Idol”. And yes, there is an entire generation that doesn’t know who he is. Those of us who do will never forget.
“I Got a Cold for Christmas” by The Three Stooges
Not awful, not great, but definitely something that exists.
“Jingle Bells” by William Shatner, featuring Henry Rollins
Shatner talk-singing while Henry Rollins screams holiday joy in the background. A fever dream in audio form.
“Santa Claws Is Coming to Town” by Alice Cooper
Featuring John 5, Billy Sheehan, and Vinny Appice, because why wouldn’t a Christmas metal track include three legends casually hanging out?
“The Night Before Christmas” by David Hasselhoff
As cheesy as a Hallmark movie marathon, but somehow exactly what you expect from The Hoff.
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by Regis Philbin
Donald Trump shows up to offer Rudolph a job. That is not a joke. That is actually what happens.
“Jingle Hell” by Christopher Lee
Yes, that Christopher Lee. The metal-loving film icon spent his later years shredding holiday classics like a festive warlock.
“Away in a Manger” by The Brady Bunch
Only Marcia, a.k.a. Maureen McCormick, is featured. It comes from “Merry Christmas from the Brady Bunch”, an album that absolutely belongs in a time capsule.

If you need new holiday music to torture your friends, your family, or maybe even your HOA, this list will do the job. Enjoy responsibly.

“Eggnog” as a Baby Name? It’s Happened 23 Times in 500 Years

Whether you’re a boy or a girl, you can’t get much more unique and festive than “Eggnog.” Yes, it’s been done.

A site in the U.K. called Find My Past poured through 14 billion historical documents from the past five centuries looking for people with festive holiday-themed names, and this one in particular caught our eye.

At least 23 “Eggnogs” have walked the earth

They found records of at least 23 people in the past 500 years named “Eggnog.” “The Mirror” got their hands on the full list but obviously didn’t have a copy editor take a very close look. Their article says “37,” but the list itself says “23.” (Remember when fact-checkers were a thing?)

Depending on which number you believe, that’s one Eggnog baby every 14 to 22 years over the past five centuries. So come on, people! Take one for the team and name your next kid Eggnog. No one will call child services… probably.

The 20 most common holiday names

Not surprisingly, 23 isn’t enough for “Eggnog” to crack the Top 20. Top honors go to “Ivy,” which is holiday-adjacent at best. (Is Christmas really the first thing you think of when you hear “Ivy”? I think of Wrigley Field… or of that time I went camping and accidentally wiped with the poison variety.)

They found 2.3 million Ivys since the 1500s, and “Angel” is a distant second place. But the list gets more and more fun as you go.

1. Ivy (2,332,758)

2. Angel (652,337)

3. Present (459,150)

4. Holly (452,011)

5. Star (327,747)

6. Wine (311,116)

7. Santa (157,840)

8. Chestnut (141,666)

9. Christmas (131,926)

10. Turkey (27,550)

11. Sleigh (17,843)

12. Pudding (12,022)

13. Crackers (3,711)

14. Reindeer (3,190)

15. Sprout (2,827)

16. Tinsel (2,634)

17. Mistletoe (2,015)

18. Snowman (579)

19. Bauble (293)

20. Nutcracker (284)

Wait, 284 couples have named their child “Nutcracker”? Y’all are nuts. 🤪

Christmas Spirit Poll: Are You More of a Santa, a Scrooge, or a Grinch?

It’s December, so you’re probably getting a pretty good idea of where your Christmas spirit vibes are for this holiday season… so are you feeling the joy… or feeling the stress?

There’s a poll that’s kicking around online that asked people if they’re mostly identifying with the giving spirit of Santa… the penny-pinching of Scrooge… or the grumpiness of the Grinch this season.

58% of people said they’re feeling Santa vibes
31% say they’re more like Scrooge
And 11% admitted to being in Grinch mode.

There is some gray area. There are surely people who are not a full-on Grinch… at least not yet… but they’re not prepared to be barreling into the holiday season. Of course, there are others who have been barreling in for weeks now.

Just for fun, here are some playful, naughty-and-nice Signs You’re Way Too into Christmas:

You watched Hallmark Channel the last two months without gagging.
You have a massive nativity scene in your yard. And you’re Jewish.
You attached antlers to your head. Surgically.
You don’t stop at kissing under the mistletoe.
You named your testicles “Naughty” and “Nice.”
To make space in your house for a tree, you got rid of a sofa. And two kids.
You shoved grandma in front of reindeer just to relive the magic of that song.
Your kids have to break it to YOU that Santa’s not real.
Milk and cookies? Please. You offer Santa SEX.

Would You Pay $377 to See “The Wizard of Oz”?

“Wicked: For Good” made another $93 million at the box office last weekend.

When the original “The Wizard of Oz” was released in 1939, theater-goers were NOT off to see the Wizard. The movie lost $1.1 million during its initial run. At that time, it was MGM’s most expensive movie made.

According to the Library of Congress, it’s the most-watched picture in history.

Here’s what you get at the Sphere’s VIP Experience. Choice of Good Witch or Bad Witch. The Bad Witch costs more with two additional perks. You’d think it was the other way around, but they state, “Bad witches come with a little more magic”. Okay.

Here’s what you get: The Sphere’s website price for just one of those front section seats? $377.39. (Monkeys are literally flying out of my butt.)

Well, what if I just want a regular experience, you ask? Top row, all the way in the back, Ticketmaster has them priced at 119 bucks. Each. (And they are doing multiple shows a day.)

Which means the Sphere makes two million a day showing an old movie on a giant curved screen.

To be fair, it is a 4D experience with multi-sensory effects like shaking seats, high-velocity wind, atmospheric fog, fire effects, falling leaves, flying butterflies, and even falling fake apples and flying monkey props.

Did Vegas find a new way for people to lose their money? Or is overpaying to watch a movie classic as a 4D experience totally worth the thrill?

Obviously the ticket sales win that argument. But you can have my seat, because spoiler… it was all a dream.

Brick Taylor saw “The Wizard of Oz” for the first time as a child on his family’s black and white TV. When Dorothy opened the door to Oz, Brick’s mother said, “If we had a color set, this would all become beautiful golden colors right now.”

IRS Agents Told to Start Watching Porn at Work

Here’s a new job title that’s sure to get some raised eyebrows: “Government Porn Watcher.”

Thanks to a recent tax law passed by Congress, IRS agents will start reviewing content on OnlyFans to determine if it qualifies as “pornographic activity” – because if it is, the taxman still gets his cut.

“No Tax on Tips,” But Still Tax on T*ts

The bizarre-sounding assignment comes courtesy of the “No Tax on Tips” law passed over the summer. The law is meant to make things easier on workers who earn tips – and probably weren’t reporting most of them anyway – but it includes one glaring exception: tips for pornographic activity are still taxable. So now, to figure out whether a creator’s tips are tax-free or not, agents are literally being asked to watch the content.

What Counts as “Porn”?

It’s a trickier question than you’d think, because there still isn’t an official definition for what counts as “porn” in this context. So agents might be forced to fall back on the classic line uttered by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart in 1964: “I know it when I see it.” More of a shrug than a legal standard.

OnlyFans Isn’t Just Porn

Not everything on OnlyFans is adult content. There are celebrities, fitness influencers, chefs, and others using the platform without getting naked. But with almost five million creators in the mix, and no clear breakdown of how many are based in the U.S. or posting R-rated material, the IRS has their work cut out for them.

Perfect Job for Perverts?

This strange new responsibility has been making the rounds online, with people joking that the government has officially found a way to turn being a perv into a pension-eligible career.

So if you were thinking your job was weird today, just know there’s someone out there filling out a government form after binge-watching NSFW content for tax purposes.

Oxford’s 2025 Word of the Year Is “Rage Bait”

Oxford English Dictionary just dropped its Word of the Year, and by definition, it’s infuriating.

If you’ve spent more than 10 seconds on any social media app or news site (or in the comments section of either), you’ve experienced it: rage bait.

What is “rage bait”?

Oxford’s definition is “online content deliberately designed to elicit anger or outrage by being frustrating, provocative, or offensive, typically posted in order to increase traffic to or engagement with a particular web page or social media account.” In other words, it’s the reason you can’t scroll through your feed for five minutes without wanting to throw your phone into the sea.

An old term that got trendy

Oxford says use of the term “rage bait” tripled in 2025 even though it’s not exactly new. The first known use dates all the way back to 2002, when someone used it on an internet forum to describe the pure fury of getting tailgated on the highway. That’s right, rage bait existed before Twitter, TikTok, or even Facebook – it just used to happen in traffic instead of on your For You page.

The announcement is rage bait for grammar nerds

Funny enough, the selection of “rage bait” itself has some people enraged. Grammar sticklers are melting down over the fact that Oxford’s “word” of the year is technically two words. (You can almost hear the collective sound of a thousand red pens snapping in half.)

We only have ourselves to blame

Rage bait exists because it works. Social media algorithms thrive on outrage, and nothing spreads faster than a post that makes you mad enough to comment, “You’re an idiot” or “This is why society is doomed.”

Oxford’s team says they chose “rage bait” because it perfectly captures “the public mood and online discourse” this year – which, let’s be honest, has been a chaotic mix of dunking, doomscrolling, and deep sighs.

So the next time you’re tempted to click on a headline that makes your blood pressure spike, remember… “It’s a trap!“

This Guy’s “Insane” Pizza Order for His Pregnant Wife Is Going Viral

If you’ve ever placed a food delivery order that made you quietly pray the restaurant staff wouldn’t judge you, congratulations, you officially have something in common with the internet’s new hero.

A wildly complicated pizza order is blowing up online, and people cannot get over how many toppings one man stacked onto a single pie to satisfy his very pregnant wife.

And honestly, pregnancy cravings and wild food orders are basically SEO gold, so it makes sense this one took off.

The order went to a pizza shop that kindly shared the details, and it reads like a full grocery list stuck to a single crust. It started innocently enough: one large hand-tossed pizza. Then came the requests, and buckle up, because this thing had more parts than a tax return.

Triple pepperoni. Extra cheese. Banana peppers. Light jalapenos. Half chicken. Half mushrooms. Half caramelized onions. Half olives. And light sauce.

Yes, that’s nine separate customizations. And only some of them had halves specified, which raises the question every pizza worker would be afraid to ask: which half gets what? Are all the “halves” stacked on one chaotic side, like a mini doomsday casserole? Does each topping get its own quadrant? We may never know.

But the best part of the whole situation was the customer’s note, which instantly certified him as both a loving husband and a man on the brink:

“Yes, I know this looks insane, and you’re probably like who is this dude? I have a very pregnant wife. I’m done questioning what she wants. I’m scared of her, and honestly you should be too. Thank you and godspeed.”

If you’ve ever brought home the wrong snack to a pregnant partner, you understand this man’s journey. He’s not ordering pizza. He’s navigating diplomacy.

Sadly, the worker didn’t include a photo of the final product, so the world will never witness this Frankenstein pizza in all its glory. We also don’t know the final price. The receipt floating around shows $17.99, but that’s almost certainly just the base price, not the “I need hazard pay for assembling this” total.

KFC Is Serving Gravy “Flights” for Thanksgiving

Forget the turkey, KFC is hoping you’ll let the Colonel handle Thanksgiving this year – with fried chicken, mashed potatoes, biscuits, and a gravy flight.

In a bold move to crash the most sacred of turkey holidays, KFC just rolled out its new Extra Crispy Festive Feast, and it’s got everything your carb-loving heart could want. For $25, you get eight pieces of crispy fried chicken, two sides of mashed potatoes, four biscuits, and a trio of gravies presented as a “flight“—because nothing says elegance like dipping chicken in three types of liquid fat.

The gravies include:

Classic Brown Gravy
White Peppercorn Gravy
A brand-new Southwest Cheddar Gravy, which, let’s be honest, might just be queso in disguise.

The new meal is clearly aimed at those who aren’t in love with turkey. According to KFC, a recent poll found that 35% of Americans don’t actually like it, which feels about right when you remember how many people would rather douse dry turkey in cranberry sauce than admit it’s not that great. KFC is leaning into that sentiment and giving people a comforting, fried alternative that doesn’t require basting, carving, or pretending to enjoy stuffing.

Also, let’s not overlook the marketing genius of calling three little cups of gravy a “flight.” It’s the same word trendy bars use for samplers of craft beer or fancy espresso tastings. Except here, you’re not sniffing tannins—you’re dunking biscuits in cheddar sauce. And honestly? No complaints.

KFC’s been known to roll out stunts and limited-time offerings during the holidays before, but this one feels especially tailored for folks who’d rather spend the day relaxing than cooking. Whether you’re feeding a small group, planning a Friendsgiving, or just anti-turkey on principle, the Festive Feast gives you a break from tradition without sacrificing flavor.

Will it replace Grandma’s Thanksgiving dinner? Probably not. But it might save you from dry white meat and awkward family arguments about politics.

Just be sure to call it a gravy flight when you show up with it. It makes it sound fancier.

Is It Possible to Eat So Much on Thanksgiving, Your Stomach Explodes?

It’s the annual battle between your willpower and your waistband. Every Thanksgiving, Americans load up on stuffing, turkey, mashed potatoes, pie, and more… and then go back for seconds.

With the average person scarfing down 3,000 calories and a stick of butter in one meal, you might start to wonder: could you actually eat so much your stomach explodes?

Short answer? Yes… technically. Long answer? You’re probably safe, unless you’re also snacking on forks.

“Gastrointestinal perforation”

A gastrointestinal perforation (the fancy medical term for a “burst gut”) is a real and very serious thing. But according to experts, it almost never happens just from overeating. More common culprits are things like swallowing sharp objects, ingesting harmful chemicals, or certain serious illnesses.

Your stomach is tougher than you think

Your stomach is built to take a beating. Its muscular walls are thick and stretchable, and the human body has a few built-in safety features that kick in when you’ve pushed things too far. Chief among them: vomiting. Basically, if your stomach’s too full to handle another bite, it’ll usually toss in the towel and toss everything else out with it.

What’s more likely to happen

So if you go too hard on the pumpkin pie, you’re far more likely to end up with indigestion, heartburn, or a case of the food sweats than an actual internal explosion. Still, good reasons to pace yourself.

So this Thanksgiving, enjoy the meal and even seconds. Just maybe leave a little room for your dignity. And pie. Always pie.